Imagine a full heart and an empty mind.
Imagine being unable to imagine how life could get worse.
Imagine that with every passing second, it does.
Imagine holding your best friend, one final breath ripped from her lungs.
Imagine hopelessness. Anger. Sadness.
Imagine blood dripping from her wrist, staining into your clothes.
Imagine telling her the night before that everything would be okay.
Imagine a body, limp, in your arms for hours.
Imagine sobs ringing throughout the empty halls of a once lively house.
Imagine following your own sobs down the lonely halls.
Imagine being in the bathroom washing blood from your hands.
Imagine regretfully wishing you hadn’t cleaned them.
Imagine wanting to go to jail instead of living normally.
Imagine wishing you could join her but not having the guts.
Imagine what it’d be like to pull the trigger.
Imagine pushing the stool out from under you.
Imagine screaming until that inevitable impact.
Imagine copying her moves and letting the blood drip to the floor.
Imagine the indefinitely and increasingly finite lines Heaven and Hell.
Imagine dying inside when you replay the scene in your head each night.
Imagine being shattered by the only thing that kept you whole.
Imagine a blade to the wrist for each unshed tear.
Imagine, even if for just a moment, what it’s like in someone else’s shoes.
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140,222 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Heya, this is Jedi, here for a review!
First off, I enjoyed reading this poem and congrats on winning that contest! So anyways, on to some critique.
I know it is kinda what makes the poem what it is, but I felt like my mind got impatient and bored hearing the same imagine, imagine, imagine at every line. Something to make it less monotonous would be to make every other line begin with "imagine" and the lines in between merely expand on the previous one, if I'm making any sense. This is somewhat up to personal preference, so don't take this too seriously and don't change your style!
I don't like how you use such typical, broad words. I can't tell you to use the, "show not tell" thing because you show us that sadness, anger, and hopelessness throughout the rest of the piece. But maybe you could just make choose different words here? Specifically the words anger and sadness-- they lack emotion because of how often they are used, how drained they are of feeling.
Using this words, "sobs" and, "halls," doesn't sound good. It made me think, "Did I read the same sentence twice?" Perhaps you could change the second "sobs," to "cries," and the second, "halls," to "corridor"? That's just my opinion for you.
For some reason I think "living normally" isn't even optional for what this person has experienced. Maybe "living on" or "pretending nothing happened" or something else along these lines would make more sense.
"Copying her moves"? Is she doing some battle stunts? I don't understand what you meant here, might wanna reconsider your word choice; just a suggestion.
Besides those minor suggestions, this was a very powerful poem and the ending hits the reader with force. Great job! Very enjoyable peace of literature. One more thing though-- you should bump this poem's rating to 12+ just because it refers to self harm a couple times and is kinda dark. Not exactly the perfect poem for a 10 year old to read.
Anyway, I loved this and keep writing!
I purposefully lacked major emotions. that part was supposed to let the reader choose whether to interpret is as me feeling numb, or just chopping the poem. Adds effect.
Personal preference I see! Great job again--wonderful work of art!
thank you
wow! wow! wow!
I say, you didn't win that poetry competition for nothing.
The poem itself is nice....I have always loved poems that try to rhyme at some point. Your writing takes us deep into another person's mind and explores the mixture of emotions he/ she is going through in such a tumultuous time. Speaking of tumult, that story is one hell of a story! By the time I was done, I could tell you were telling a story of guilt and regret, blood and gore. But at the depth of it all was the painful feeling of hopelessness at a time when hope was all that one could afford.
Trust me, I love this poem. Write more... I am willing to review and ready to enjoy them all.
I have more on here, and more to come.
hi. this is kman134. i'm here to review.
first off, this poem was very nihilistic and absurd. It's mentioning of a world of hopelessness and sadness emphasizes that. which is pretty good.
Some of the parts were gory and bloody, referencing suicide and mutilation. death also plays a nice role in the poem and referencing the need to be someone else made it sad and shows how bleak the world can be.
this was pretty good. can't wait to read more of your works.