It feels like I’m dying.
I’m not dying
It’s more like I’m sinking
I’m sinking and flying.
I try so hard to tell you I’m trying.
And yet…
Yet you think I’m lying.
So I spend nights awake in bed, writing.
All because you won’t stop prying
Into my life.
“I’ve got my knife.”
Choose your words.
It’s what I deserve.
This knife’s action depends on you.
It depends on you and what you do.
For self-harm or self-defense?
As I said, it all depends.
I’m on a ledge.
I’m on the fence.
I never knew that you were so dense.
Yeah, that’s “were,” spoken in the past tense,
Now you know better, you know better, but you’re still playing pretend.
It’s the cost of my life, so be careful,
because I’m on the edge
of suicide and murder.
Mind your words
to keep me alive.
Self-harm is nothing anymore
because everything you say,
every action you take,
every move you make
means nothing.
It all means nothing,
even when I’m trying.
It all means nothing,
even when I’m crying.
Take this to heart.
Take my life into consideration.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,757 Literary Works • 672,710 Reviews
Hello Ghost it't Malcolm here for another review.
First of all: Thank you so much for explaining how to read this piece of art (and mark my words it is a true piece of art". However, I won't lie; I still messed up reading it the first time through.
Second of All: Even though I messed up reading it the first time; I am in love with it and I don't mean "love" as in I really like it. I mean love as in; I want to print it off and frame it with the words typed in really fancy font. After reading it correctly for the first time; I ended up reading it four more times. All because it sounded like you were both telling a story, singing, and speaking at the same time.
Third of All: Let me take that back; it really sounded like I was hearing your internal thoughts as you contemplate life and all the pain it brings with it. I was absorbed into your mind and all the emotion behind the words.
Fourth of All: How about those words? Your use of vocabulary was both basic and adept at the same time. Using words such as "prying" and "dense" allowed myself as the reader to feel or recognize a truly creative and insightful tone; without losing complete understanding in the process.
Fifth of All: "I know you're probably getting tired of the (Of All)". I can't even imagine the process it would take to write something in this format and still have it flow so smoothly from one line to the next. The formating of each line added a great amount of draw to the words. In other words; I was hooked into each line and it seemed as if each line break was placed scientifically.
Honestly Malcolm J Desvignes
Hello! It's LadyShadows here for a review!
First of all, let's start with the description. I'm very glad you said what you said, because to my knowledge, this poem type is not that common. I'm glad that you had described how to read it, otherwise people would be terribly confused.
Now onto the poem....
The poem was very emotional, deep, real, and vivid. This is what I think about when I'm imagining the life of a young person, because believe it or not, a young person's life can be much harder than an older person's life. And to be honest, this gives me memories of when I lived with my own parents (who were very toxic mind you) and I was between the ages 13 to 17 with no way out. I may not like these memories, but to me it opens the eyes of a messed up society and it kind of makes someone look back to those memories to what they are now.
Keep writing. This is beautiful.
Th way I did it w so it appeared as though structure fell apart in my life and in the poem. think about that4