Pitter-patter, like a beating heart,
Drops streak the sky
To eventually strike the ground.
All around,
The puddles slowly build with the rise of the sea.
Darkness descends
Over the land as clouds cover the Sun.
Darkness descends
In my heart, leaving me only to the smell
Of the wet, freshly cut grass in my nose,
Leaving me only to the taste
Of the humid air on my tongue,
Leaving me only to the feeling
Of the cool of the wind on my skin,
And leaving me only to the sound
Of the
Pitter-patter,
Like a heart beating in my ears.
It sears and burns its way
Into my body
As if it wants to cleanse me.
The burning sensation gives off an almost plutonium glow.
The glow meanders its way
Into my brain.
I fade to a distant land.
Your words steadily echo its way
Into my ears
Burning its way
Into my body
Like acid rain.
Your clouds darken further and I find my way
Into a deeper blackness.
Almost past the event horizon.
It stings,
Your acid rain,
But still, I stand.
The shards of grass rip through me
Deeper than your storm.
The humidity slips off of my tongue as I spit acid,
Cringing at my own hypocrisy.
The winds die with the heat of the battle.
The pitter-patter of my beating heart beats ever faster
While the darkness fades to light
And I stare
Face-to-face with my savior.
The diminisher of the acid rain.
I stare
Into the Sun,
The eyes of my hero,
My beloved Angel.
And all that’s left to be heard is the
Pitter-patter
Of my beating heart.
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139,604 Literary Works • 672,617 Reviews
Hello there. I seem to write your poems. Hope I will give a fair comment.
There is no grammar mistakes or punctuation mistakes to be seen (if seen from my level). This makes the poem worth reading. But the highlight of this poem are the words like meanders, plutonium glow, smell of the wet grass (is it grass or soil?), heart beating in my ears, diminisher of acid rain. I really loved the use of these words. A very nice poem. Keep it up!
Pretty damn cool. I loved the fact that it was written from the perspective of a bad guy (am a sucker for that kind of stories). The ending was pretty damn nice too, btw. Altough there was one thing that I did not understand - why is the bullied boy (or girl ?) his "angel ? " Is it because the main character is in love ? Or is it because he understands that that person is better than him in every way, despite the fact that he bullies him ? Or is it not written from the perspective of the bully and I have been reading it all wrong this time ?
Anyways this is a great story. As a guy who has been bullied in the past I can say that this is exactly what a person would feel (not sure what the bully would feel though, so whether the message is strong or not depends on the interpretation of the poem). So, you got that part right. The metaphors are great as well, the message is really strong and cltreear here, no complaints there. I love the fact that the message is not immediately clear-cut, but that you take your time in order to establish it with metaphors and strike right inthero our center of emotions. I don't see any clear problems with the grammar, so everything fine there too (or maybe there is something is missed because English is not my first language, heh.) I love how you take your time with establishing the situation and the characters and the way they interact with each other through the metaphors, altought they were a bit confusing at the beginning.
It is, all in all, a great little poem. Hoping to read more of your work in the future.