Young Writers Society

Hello, LadyShadows here for a review.
This is a magnificent piece. This is the true picture to what love is like. I am not the romance person, yet this is lovely. (it's saying something if I could tolerate it lol) Your descriptions in this piece make it vivid and real. This piece gave me memories to when my boyfriend and I met and fell in deep love with each other. We've been together for nearly a year. I like pieces that can give me good memories of my own life. I'm a person who barely smiles and yet this made me smile. Keep writing. You're going places.

Hi Malcolm here for a review.

Dear Ghost223,

May I start off by saying; I truly enjoyed this specific piece. I must be honest with you ghost223 and admit that it seems more like a declaration of love or affection than it does a poem. However, that appears to of added an ideal tone to my internal voice when reading it in my head. The metaphors themselve hold much more meaning than how the piece is formed or structured in this case. I as the reader was able to feel the love, affection, and the emotion behind the words on every line; due to how the metaphors were implemented.


Signed Malcolm Desvignes With Another Review.

Hi! Kazey here for a review!

So, disclaimer, I'm probably about to be quite harsh, and i don't mean anything by it, so please don't be offended.

I really didn't like this poem. It just really isn't my cup of tea. I love metaphor, but what annoys me is that this is literally just a list. You could expand so much open each of those metaphors, but you don't. They're just sat there, lonely. Treat metaphors like children- give them the best life possible.

Second is your rhyme scheme. I found it really forced, personally. Just in future, perhaps read through your poem aloud and take out words or phrases that seem odd or clunky. It gives for a much smoother, gentle ride for the reader.

Finally, I find this very boring. Its a very repetitive poem, and i know that's the point, but it's monotonous. Put frankly, It's just not very interesting. It doesn't engage the reader, but instead makes them wonder why the hell they just wasted the past minute of their life. There is so much potential in this poem, and it's killing me to not see it fulfilled.

Keep writing and improving!
-Kazey