Young Writers Society

Hello ellasnotebook! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

My interpretation:

Overall:

This review courtesy of

Very well written but lacking context and body.

This was very realistic, and I loved it! You know, you never expect someone to type a poem about how they typed a poem, and you never expect someone to like it like so many of us writers here on YWS! But this sorta thing happens, and that's what we call a miracle, also known as this poem! The one thing that I wanted to say was that the letters beginning new stanzas, they weren't capitalized, that slightly got on my nerves, but I'm sure it's nothing for you or anyone else to worry about, it didn't really distract me from the poem that much, otherwise, I absolutely loved this.

It's unique to find someone who is willing to write about different things and not be ashamed of it and not publish it. I'm glad to have found that person! It's you!!!!!!!!!!!:D Wonderful job my friend, keep up the fabulous work!

Thanks for sharing this poem about the fleeting temporary nature of human existence.
I like the echoing effect of away-away, as well as the comparison of falling in and out of sleep to tidal waves and to curtains drawn over the eyes.

Suggestions:

I found the nonstandard punctuation distracting by causing me to wonder why it was written that way. That caused me to search for a reason. It also reduced readability by interupting flow.

....in the making [.]

....forever[.]

[S]o savor.... [Would go better as a next line. As it is, it extends the line too far to the right.]

Whow. These line breaks are super good! You split all the lines up in a way that, "Savor the sweet taste of... this poem."

I can so relate to falling asleep in class and choosing to write a poem instead lol. My favorite part is when you move out of poetry, and into pros for a short second, for it was the most poetic.

I noticed that there's very few grammar marks in here such as commas, periods, etc. These would make the read a little bit easier.

I liked "faded away / away," but what about "faded away / ..." Using that last line to indicate a longer pause for fading.

Also, two areas you could use the 'tab' feature for esthetic poetry (I don't know what to call it, so I make up my own words... poetry. lol.)
1) "Slipping in and out of
conciousness of the music"
2) "And it is
already
faded

away."
Okay, I didn't use 'tab' I used several spaces to place the start of the phrase but... whatever.