The Invisible Dragon

Hello!

This poem is very fascinating! The comparison of an invisible dragon to death is really clever. This poem talks about death, how we will face it one day and we cannot escape it.

I would like to point out that the way you have your last stanza can be distracting for readers to read. The words are all put together with no spaces between them so it will be a bit annoying. This is only what I think.

Overall it is a great poem and I hope you have more amazing ideas to write even more amazing!!

Keep up the excellent work!

Hey there!

I thought this was a very interesting poem and I enjoyed deciphering the meaning.

The first stanza was very well-done. I liked the map analogy a lot and could imagine exactly what you were describing.

The second stanza was a bit unclear-I'm guessing you mean that the invisible dragon was holding on at the same time as the families?

I would suggest changing up the formatting a bit. The way you have it makes it so that the reader gets annoyed with the number of times they have to read through. It's OK if the reader has to take a second look for complexity of ideas, but it's just a hassle to have to go through all of that just because it was broken up in a weird way.

When you said "my scales have grown dull" I was very confused. I think that you should provide at least one more hint as to why you have scales as well.

Overall, I enjoyed it. The formatting was its biggest drawback, the flow of the ideas was its greatest success. I'll be interested to read more of your work. -C

Hey there! This is a very interesting poem.

First my suggestions for edits:

Ok, so first of all although I think your formatting looks cool, it breaks up the flow of your poem in a weird way. In doing so it felt slightly unnatural to read and took away from the meaning.

Second, although the way you say takes and takes is cool, maybe you shouldn't because it makes it quite so hard to read, and I had to spend a lot of extra time to figure it out. Even if you do make that line smushed together, maybe start that there instead of in the previous line, because for a second I just thought it was a typo.

And now my praise for this magnificent work! Both your imagery and meaning are amazing, and you back them up with a strong vocabulary. This an outlook and idea that I've never seen before, but you do it perfectly so it makes total sense.

Great job, and never stop writing! I hope this review is helpful to you in your writing endeavors.

Sláinte -Junel

Thanks for the poem.'I like the way it's organized and the vocabulary you use. This is how I view the symbols of the dragon and and death. Of course my view is influenced by y lifelong stud of biblical scripture while others will not see it that way and perhaps you didn't mean it that way at all. But different readers will derive different messages from the same poem. There is a reference in the Bible to a ravenous thing called death that is never satisfied but wants more. It is called sheol or the common grave of mankind. And if we think about it-that is a good description.

Quaint that you mention a dragon which is considered to represent Satan the Devil in Revelation since he is in full accord that mankind continue to experience this constant reaping of one generation after another. Consider please that in just approx 100 years almost everyone alive today will be dead. That includes those just recently born. So it is exactly as you say, it takes and takes and there is no end to it until someone with a higher ability than we have intervenes.

My only advice would be not to write the take-and-take in that way. I had to stop and unravel it.