Hi! Here for a review.
Well, firstly I personally really liked the way you structure, the small lines. The tiny sentences, with words full of meaning crammed in each of them. I really liked it because it conveyed the tone. Let me explain myself: long sentences are usually what people use to describe. For example in:
*I felt as lonely as the icy moon shining, glowing in the stark black sky,*
Compared to
*I hope that you’re happy
I hope that you’re loved
I hope that you’re happy
Now that
I’m
Gone* (forgot the authors)
Where the first one is more about describing the feeling and comparing it, the second is more focused on the feeling and the emotions, the reactions.
Well I think you’re more like the second one. More on about emotions than description. Which is in no way a bad thing.
Then, I’d really like to know what you’re talking about in your poem. All along you’re just describing that one idea (or thought) that’s been haunting you, I say *haunting* since you really insist on how that thought makes you feel trapped, *paralyzed*, as you said in your poem. But what is it? Maybe I missed the part where you say it, but I just don’t remember you ever mentioning just what it is.
Finally.. you wrote this on the 31th of December? Wow. I just hope whatever that thought is, that it hasn’t ruined your New Years’ Eve, and I just want you to know that if there’s something that’s making you feel bad about yourself- I’m always here to hear it out (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)
Points: 0
Reviews: 109
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