Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
I have thought for
so
long.
It is a growth, a fury, a branch
until I am cradled,
enveloped
paralyzed-
but damn me, I catch a glimpse of the sky
and I hear the singing
brook and the babbling
birds and I
reach
out
my
calloused
hands-
and I grab the world and I
pull.
and though the moss and vines,
they cling to me-
I cling to life
let it pull myself free.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hi! Here for a review.
Well, firstly I personally really liked the way you structure, the small lines. The tiny sentences, with words full of meaning crammed in each of them. I really liked it because it conveyed the tone. Let me explain myself: long sentences are usually what people use to describe. For example in:
*I felt as lonely as the icy moon shining, glowing in the stark black sky,*
Compared to
*I hope that you’re happy
I hope that you’re loved
I hope that you’re happy
Now that
I’m
Gone* (forgot the authors)
Where the first one is more about describing the feeling and comparing it, the second is more focused on the feeling and the emotions, the reactions.
Well I think you’re more like the second one. More on about emotions than description. Which is in no way a bad thing.
Then, I’d really like to know what you’re talking about in your poem. All along you’re just describing that one idea (or thought) that’s been haunting you, I say *haunting* since you really insist on how that thought makes you feel trapped, *paralyzed*, as you said in your poem. But what is it? Maybe I missed the part where you say it, but I just don’t remember you ever mentioning just what it is.
Finally.. you wrote this on the 31th of December? Wow. I just hope whatever that thought is, that it hasn’t ruined your New Years’ Eve, and I just want you to know that if there’s something that’s making you feel bad about yourself- I’m always here to hear it out (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)
Thank you for the review!
Hi there! Popping in for a review.
Right off the bat, the first thing that caught my attention about this poem is the structure, and I personally like the way that it's spread out rather than conforming to many other "typical" poems. As I was reading through, it felt a bit scattered, but this is not necessarily a negative thing -- in fact, I have a feeling that this was the intended effect.
I particularly like that the words "reach / out / my /calloused / hands" are spread out into their own lines; I feel that this really emphasizes the imagery you're trying to have the audience envision.
That being said, there seems to be a lot to unpack in this poem, which, again, is not necessarily a bad thing -- I personally enjoy poems that adhere to a solid theme, and I found it a bit difficult to follow the narrator's main train of thought here. This could very well be intended, however, so if you were looking to accomplish this sort of scattered effect on the reader, I commend you for doing so successfully!
Overall, I enjoyed the poem, and in terms of grammar/spelling mistakes, I didn't catch any, which is always my favorite part about reviewing poems. Can't wait to see what other works you put out <3
Happy New Year!
Thank you for the review! Happy New Year!