fruit basket cradled
in pale moonlit limbs spun of
spider silk.
rough cotton does ‘em no justice, baby.
you’re a Carvaggio, a slapped-directly-on-canvas-crook
who doesn’t need a sketch to be a masterpiece.
you were painted by a crook, too,
but, oh well.
sometimes crooks are the best painters.
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140,104 Literary Works • 673,009 Reviews
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
"you were painted by a crook, too,
but, oh well." This as far as I could see was the only problem I found. There shouldn't be a comma after 'crook' and 'but'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.
So, the first thing I notice when reviewing your work is that someplaces have grammar and others, others don't. Decide on weither or not you will have, commas, periods, collans and things alike, and put in an Authors Note when you aren't so that use readers know that important piece of information. The lines that would need commas if you are going down the path that contains grammar would be, "fruit basket cradled", "in pale moonlit limbs spun of" and " you’re a Carvaggio, a slapped-directly-on-canvas-crook". Otherwise, things seemed good in spelling and grammar. But the line "you were painted by a crook, too," reads extremely oddly to me. It might sound better if you were to put "you were painted by a crook to add," or maybe just "you were painted by a crook".
Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! So, happy Valentines Day ! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Annnd I think he brought a dinosaur to life. Great. Anyways, Cheerio and fruit loops to you!