*This story is underneath my folder titled “V.S.L. (Vampire Spy League)”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Marcus bent down to the ground, watching the ladybug closely as he scribbled notes.
“What are you doing?” Jude asked.
“Just taking notes about bugs. I’ve found my interest. Eliza sometimes studies bugs with me too. Cecilia is happy about it, but she doesn’t really care. All I had to do was think of what I loved most when I was younger, and there it is. My passion. Something to make me joyful, even if just for a moment.” Marcus said.
Of course, studying bugs wouldn’t fix everything, but it was at least something to do with the eternal time.
“I’m proud of you, Marcus. You’ve found what makes you smile.” Jude said, patting him on the back.
Marcus grinned.
Nothing would compare to having his brother back in his life, not even bugs.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hey creeper!
This is a really cute little segment. I haven't read the full story yet, so i'm not certain on the context, but Jude and Marcus seem like really nice characters. I can relate with Marcus, bugs are lowkey really interesting (except for wasps, they're mean). It really is great to rediscover a passion from when you were younger, i've been doing that a bit recently with collaging.
It's great that Marcus can use studying bugs to help him feel better, that's really sweet. One tiny critique I have is the repeated use of "smile" in the end, switching out one of those for a synonym would be a bit better. That's really the only critique I could think of, this story is really good!
Have a good day, and happy review day!
thx for your review!
Hey, for once I decided to review something that is NOT old! Hi creeper
You're still not doing the dialgoue formatting correctly xd
Here it should be like this:
Said is a speech tag which means it's basically part of the dialogue sentence which is why you connect dialogue and speech tag with a comma inside the speech. Also, look at me, venturing into different colours and sizes!
Okay, back to the actual story!
I really like that you imply Marcus is immortal in some way and could do that forever but at the same times sees some sort of problem in it bc he can't fix whatever it is.
Also something strange with his brother... Was he dead? Or was Jude just for a long time no longer part of his life and has now returned?
Jude went missing. But he came back. It is in the stories of the folder I mentioned on the note.
And I don't know many speech tags to use correctly, so I just use that.
But glad you enjoyed it!
Never fear, speech tags are easy. If it's something that can be reasonably interpreted as a speech verb, it's with a comma instead of a period. Things like "say"or "whisper"