*This story is underneath my folder titled “V.S.L. (Vampire Spy League)”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1290. Enjoy!*
Jude smiled at the finished easel painting of the industrial building with a darkened, thunder-streaked sky. It was the School of Demons for him and Marcus, and V.S.L. for Eliza and Cecilia.
But to all, it was a supernatural prison.
They all escaped, it was past them, and the place no longer existed. Jude sat on a chair on the sidewalk, painting away his experiences, gaining change from people who appreciated his work.
“That painting looks so foreboding. I like it.” A woman whispered to her friend as they walked past.
Jude waved at the two women as they went about their day.
The past was behind him, and he was just what he wanted to be.
A painter, bringing life to his screaming, screeching thoughts.
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Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Another story that already has one review 😊
Well I feel like your opening paragraph makes me want to know more: they call it a school but it is also a prison?
So he basically painted where he’s been imprisoned (or forced to go to school) for a long time, huh.
And siiigh. Dialogue formatting.
Feels more like a teaser than a real story.
Hi darling!
Although very short, and without much context to your story, I do think you do a lovely job showing how you protagonist, Jude, has taken something terrifying—his "supernatural prison"—and turned it into something he can control on a canvas. The contrast between the "screaming thoughts" and the quiet sidewalk makes his peace feel very real. I think if you wished to make what you have even stronger, you could focus more on the physical feeling of the paint or the sidewalk to help the reader feel like they are sitting there with him. It seems like you have quite the story going on here along with even character designs! I implore you to keep going, and I love your visible passion for this story!
Keep writing! I can't wait to see what you do next!
Best,
Lizzy
thank you for the review! ^v^