*This story is underneath my folder titled “V.S.L. (Vampire Spy League)”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1125. I’m not too sure if I’m entirely proud of this, because the Mom separated them at birth so they would be “normal” (the two male characters in this were born as conjoined twins at the hip) but I wanted to write something happy for my OCs. I might edit this in the future, idk. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!*
“Marcus…” Mom trailed off.
Marcus and Jude had gone back to their old home, to see their parents again. Mom answered the door, her eyes swimming with thoughts.
“Jude.” Mom said.
“Yes, it’s me.” Jude said.
Mom denied that Jude went missing, as did Dad. They thought that he was simply hanging out with friends, that he’d come back soon enough.
But Marcus knew better.
Dad joined her, grinning at the sight of them being back.
“You have no idea how much we missed you both.” Dad said, sweeping them in a hug.
Mom relented, joining them in on the hug.
“I’m so so so sorry that I wronged you both, I’m just glad that you’re home.” Mom said in a cracked, teary voice.
While hearts were not quite fixed yet, at least they were honest. At least they were together.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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One more review…
*reads that you might edit this later* Maybe even …the dialogue formatting? PLEASE???
How can eyes “swim” with thoughts?
I feel like this is one of the snippets that work the least without context. Like, we have no idea who these ppl are and what happened to them, and you didn’t even hint at their problem like you sometimes do ☹
I do like the final line.
Hey creeper, back for another review!
This appears to come sequentially directly after the last work of yours that I reviewed, "What does Marcus want to do with all his life?" It's great to see a happy ending for the characters, especially as I've skimmed through some of the earlier segments to get some context. Hopefully I can get around to maybe reviewing some more of those later, this story is really good.
I would say that "eyes swimming with thoughts" is a bit of a weird phrase, but that's being a bit nitpicky. This is a short segment with a lot of dialogue, so there's not very much to say. It is a nice sweet ending, though, to an interesting story, so good job! Also, you're really good at writing emotion, I can feel all the feelings in this story myself through your writing.
Happy review day, have a great night!
Thx!