*This story is under my folder titled “V.S.L. (Vampire Spy League)”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33”. Enjoy!*
Cecilia was in the living room, playing video games on the computer. Mom and Dad were out running errands.
Eliza opened the front door, grinning at the sight of her friend, Marcus…and…who was that boy who looked exactly like him?
“This is my twin brother, Jude. He wanted to tag along.” Marcus said.
“Oh! Hi, Jude!” Eliza said, waving at him.
Jude smiled and waved back.
“HI JUDE!” Cecilia cried out as she played her games.
“Sorry, my sister is just really into her video games. Come on in.” Eliza said, waving them over.
Marcus and Jude giggled as they followed her inside.
Well, it seemed that Eliza had gained a brand new friend that day!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,262 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
I really want to review this but there isn't enough words on here but lemme try. Oh by the way, hello. It is me, Hop. I know, you missed me. Its okay, I'm here now. Anyways, give me grace since again I suck at reviewing and I believe I am not going to get much better. But, oh well. A girl can dream, right? Yeah heheheheehe. Anyways, here is my fantastical review.
So, first off, I love a girl loves to play videogames. Those people are always fun to be around. (I'm a girl who loves videogames so that may be it...)
TWIN ALERT. We love a good set of twins. Especially when they aren't always at each other's throats, you know?
But I think this is pretty good! The only thing I would recommend is giving it a stronger hook so that the reader gets pulled in easier!!!
Please keep up this amazing work! Stay awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Hop
Thank you for your review and suggestions!!
I'm sorry for the overly long comment. Apparently, unethical ways of getting points are not legalized here. But who cares. In today's shotgun of reviews, let me say that this is definitely a nice series. That's it. I have nothing else to say. You make too much an amount of good stories weekly, so eventually I ran out of things to say. Otherwise, I would just keep telling you how nice your stories are.
On to writing preferences, I'd say your long form stories are more attractive. Although this is subjective, I like reading longer stories, because they look more interesting. You might want to ask random people about their reading preferences from time to time.
It's also been quite a long time since I've seen such short and casual writing like this. I like it. It's as if the text which isn't a part of talking resonates what the characters say. I want to say you should make paragraphs about what they are doing after the interaction, but then again, that's subjective too.
One final note, just keep cooking. Cook up this series like never before. Thank you for reading this, and please don't demonetize me for trying an unethical method of point farming.
I%u2019m glad that you liked it.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW