*This story is underneath my folder titled “V.S.L. (Vampire Spy League)”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
Marcus looked at Eliza through the open door, who was washing her face of blood in the bathroom. She was a vampire, and he a demon, but it hadn’t always been that way.
Once, they were human. Once, they were like everyone else.
But after everything that happened, they lived together in an abandoned house, fixing it up as best as they could, living life as best as they could.
There were times when Marcus wondered if Eliza still loved him, if she missed the boy who didn’t have fire sprawl from his hands and a desire to tear through flesh. She, too, was a monster, but she controlled it better than he did.
“Eliza, do you still love me? It’s okay if you don’t. I wouldn’t love me either, after all that happened.” Marcus said.
Eliza turned to him, a smile on her face.
“Of course I do! It’s not your fault that we’re all cursed, and we try our best. We don’t eat innocent people, so that’s good.” Eliza said.
She gestured for Marcus to come closer. He complied, unsure of what she would do.
Eliza took his hands in hers and looked up at him with the kind of infinite love that was there when they used to be human.
“And even if you do slip up, I will stay by your side. The victim will be buried nicely by their family, loved by those they held dear, just as I love you, and you love me.” Eliza said.
She kissed him on the side of his cheek. A smile, a real, genuine smile, spread on Marcus’ face. She still cared about him, despite it all.
“Don’t forget, I’m a monster too. There are times when we’ll slip up, but we’ll always pull through.” Eliza said.
For a while, the two of them hugged, not a care for anything at all except for each other, and the boundless love that would go on till the end of time.
Just like that, Marcus’ fears were washed away for the time being.
Eliza still loved him.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Howdy! I'm Jazz, here to give a little review on this piece.
I really like the idea of two beings who were once human, now different species yet they still love each other. Already I can tell that, while he is a demon, Marcus is a sweet man who loves and adores Eliza.
Why does Marcus think that Eliza doesn't love him? Is it some small action she does? Is that demon part of him whispering lies about their love? Or is he just insecure? Including this little bit of information would help the reader a ton to understand what's going on in the story.
I'd like to know more about the house itself too. It was abandoned when they had found it, but how much have they repaired it? Is there maybe some paint coming off the walls?
I'm not sure how they look either. Adding little details, like when she looks at him with that infinite love, you could add the color of her eyes with maybe a little sappiness from Marcus.
I'd also like to know more about not eating innocents! Are they antiheros? Using their curse to fight for a good cause such as stopping crime?
Readers such as I can get many details about the characters' personalities from this small snippet, but we can't grasp many details about the setting or the plot.
I would love to read and review more of this story; it has good character dynamics and so much potential!
Signing off,
JazzicusMaximus
You are right, Marcus is insecure about being a demon, but I guess I should have made that more clear. Thank you for your review and suggestions!
This is such a good story! I really love how you explain the lore and the backstory. I get bored from reading backstories a lot, but this was really good. It wasn't just information blah blah blah boring; it was like really interesting and hooked me into the story. even though it was short, it was still a really good story. Anyway, keep up the great work! mwah mwah
So glad you enjoyed this and I love your profile pic! Star vs the forces of Evil is one of my favorite cartoons!