THE DEVIL'S EYES
The man looked up uncertainly at God
and said,
"I'm sure you're getting too many sixes."
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140,555 Literary Works • 673,430 Reviews
Yeah, I know that it's important. I think what made it feel "off" was the placement. It's a superb poem wherever the word is placed!
Colleen
Nice, thight, awesome
Totally backgroungbob, as much as we expect from you
Cheerios, Chandni
You know plenty, dearie, so hauld yer wheesht!
WellHowever, I'll take the other thoughts into consideration when I'm working this one out.
Cheers, all!
backgroundbob is just so clever.
i didn't like that "and said," was its own line -- but what do i know?
And you managed to write a poem that was shorter than the quote you were inspired by. I say that is genius!
In an attempt to critique something...
That felt...off. Looked up uncertainly. I don't like the word uncertainly. Perhaps just "The man looked up at God..." Hmm, but then you don't have the part about him being uncertain. You could put "uncertainly" after "said" in the second line, or phrase this one, "The man looked up at God, uncertain..."
*stupid attempt to critique something*
*hugs this poem* It is cute and funny and cynical and ironic all in one bite-size bundle!
Colleen
Haha. [:
I um... yeah. Oh, the irony! It burns!
I love it. And it's ironic. And basically awesome. So I'll go be incoherent elsewhere.
There's a great quote that says "Einstein would turn over in his grave; not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded!"
That was the inspiration, pretty much.
lol, I guess that since I get it now that's pretty clever!
-Rieda
OH! Okay. Haha. YAHTZEE!
Oh darlin', you're just too good.
I've been thinking about the meaning of this for a little while, and I'm guessing the idea of having too many sixes relates back to both the number of the beast (666), and the idea that 'God doesn't play with dice'.
Of course, I may be completely wrong...
Hahaha... I don't get it. Which means that most likely, since it's short, I'll be thinking about it for the rest of the day to find the meaning of this. When I have a conclusive answer, I shall respond again!
Lol. Not much there to criticise. The rhythym is nice, no grammar or spelling mistakes. It was very funny.