You know the subject.
RETURN
It wasn't as if you left your house in order:
hell in a handcart would be more appropriate,
holding your headache in your hands through the stampede,
tasting fear and sorrow from you balcony - alone.
And all for what? A moment's peace, a last regret?
Necessity pounding down your door, invention
all but lost in the melee of bright young minds: chaos.
Was there a moment - your hand trembled on the switch,
your teeth set themselves on edge against your actions?
Did your life flash before your eyes?
....................................................Was it worth it?
And now your suit is pressed, your tie neatly ironed
as your stand, butleresque to welcome home your friends,
can you feel that tremor wrack your fingertips again?
For, no matter how many times your doorbell rings
and friendly laughter leaves you giddy with relief
the truth still tightens up your eyes with fear or guilt:
that the waiter never comes before he's ready,
that the taxman never goes before he's done,
and that nobody
........................but nobody ever (ever!)
comes home.
Welcome.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Yeah, that's my fault
it's for Nate.
That might make things clearer for the old guard.
I really like this poem I especially love the first line: "It wasn't as if you left your house in order" but I had a lot of questions. For instance, in the first stanza the "you" in the poem is clearly distraught by life but i am confused about why. What is this stampede? Why did he/she leave so quickly?
I think poems can get away with being unclear but this poem moves very quickly through time. It doesn't seem to take place within the moment. This makes me wonder about the sequence of events...How did this person go from holding his head to having a tie that is neatly pressed? What took place? Also the ending was very confusing for me. Where does this "no one ever, ever comes home" come from? I didn't really get the sense that fear of abandonment was part of the issue until the last line.
Otherwise i really love this poem. It has a great sound and many beautiful images.
I hope you will keep working on it.
I have nothing useful to say, but I love this.
That's all.
I agree with xanthan gum, and also there's a "you" instead of "your" in the first verse.
Other than that, excellent.
That's beautiful, bob! Heh, I love it. ^_^
I think the ending could be a revised a bit.
The comma in this line really isn't needed, and it makes it sound awkward.
Otherwise, far above me as usual, BGB. You certainly shook my inner security, and asked some profound questions.