I don't know how many of you are Christian, and how many aren't, but it doesn't really matter; all this poem requires is a little sympathy for the mindset of one. For all those who don't know, I'm male, straight, and occasionally social 
it's not a 'seeking' advert, it's vital to understanding the poem. This is the story of one of those odd party nights out at someone's house; writing it has left me feeling a little confused, now I think about it.
I hope people like it; I hope it makes some sense to somebody.
A QUESTION OF LOYALTY
He didn't mean to be rude, I'm sure,
just another victim of a few drinks
instead of dinner; bottled food,
turning our stomachs into disco halls,
dancing with the smoke that fills our bodies.
We've learned the secret of eternal youth -
the inert jive, a swirling stillness.
Mellow in a loud, hot sort of way
suited me fine; taking on water
and sinking under glances, you know:
the kind that makes you want to check your fly,
and spend a night discovering the truth
about how many ways two bodies twist.
He wasn't the kind to hold a drink well;
not a sin, not quite, just a door
into thoughts best left without expression -
there are roads, and their are mournings after,
and it's up to you which one means the most.
When your head's in your arms or in your drink,
things can be forgotten, forgiven;
some things. A man's arms are like strangers,
but surprise can make a moment softer
than imagining foretells; joke, laugh,
break yourself away and leave a question.
Your zip's still done up, irony says,
but you've confused your self-respect no end.
I'm sitting in a window at midnight,
counting beer cans and finding too many;
numbering wayward stars under the eaves,
and wishing for an honest thought from each.
Mercutio, heading for the door,
stops to wish his Romeo a stille nacht,
apology and irony at war
with friendship on whatever line we toe.
Through the make or break, I see him turn,
and stop him more for my sake than for his;
I am gracious, but he is more so,
for he takes all that I have to give him -
where those like me would spit without a thought
I give a kiss; a benediction
for a life I stand against and love.
He turns and leaves, a voyager in
Loyalty: too strong a cord for lips.
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140,555 Literary Works • 673,430 Reviews
I love your poetry, bob.
I think what I enjoyed most about this were those neat literary illusions and the way the line breaks seemed effortless and everything flowed one line after another.
I'm not much for critiquing today, so thanks for the excellent read.
Yeah, I should skip intros. They kind of screw things up.
would make more sense.
Anyway, as for the stille nacht - it was kind of meant to be ironic: the Christmas Carol "silent night" comes from the German, but translations vary - the Spanish translation means "night of love". It's completely lost on people, but perhaps I ought to stick in the Spanish title instead
Night of love verses silent night (i.e. not getting off with anyone else!) - that was the idea.
Mmmm...
This poem made me happy just experiencing it. Very, very excellent piece of writing. Please, continue doing what you're doing. It's working.
Brian
EDIT: Oh, one thing, though. I absolutely HATE when people give introductions to their poems. It leaves the reader prejudiced to a certain extent. Let the writing speak for itself. (I read this twice; once last night after reading the intro, and i couldn't get into the poem. Today I re-read it, having forgotten most f the introduction and I loved it.)
This poem is good for its honesty, its frankness, and its accurate and mind-boggling descriptions. So my problem with the poem is:
Mercutio, heading for the door,
stops to wish his Romeo a stille nacht,
The form of this poem is entirely your own, so allusions and foreign words have a bit of an "inert jive". (I loved that line.) Elements of Style warns against foreign language in particular. It takes away from your poem rather than adding to it. It seems like your 'frontin'' a bit.
The rest of the poem is absolutely wonderful. I usually am turned off by colloquial language in poems, or conversational tones, but it worked perfectly here and enhanced the effect. Wonderful work. I think this is my favorite poem of yours so far.
It reads so well, and I love the allusions of the last stanza. I don't have much to say except it made me think, and think in a good way. It's one of those, that you just sit there and stare at awhile because it has worked your brain somehow.
Favorite lines -
and
Wow, just wow...
I may have to come back to this, after awhile, and read it again for some more clarity.
Ciao, CL