RESPONSE
He woke to find your letter in his hand,
crossword-cryptic, and without a name;
wandering, the way that poets do
with teary script like roses in the rain.
The ink of pleas and penitence runs dry;
she brings his hands and lips to life again,
reminding him with age-old innocence
that living is a pleasure, not a sin.
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Canary word: Present
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Wow.
I truly dont think there's anything I can say to that, but I will try anyway:
Perfect.
i like the use of rhyme keep it up
Oh, I love you...this is so brilliant. A true example of rhyming working (take not, The Black Rose...rhyme is definitely not just for old people, thank you very much).
My favourite bit? - 'teary script like roses in the rain.' - stunning.
It's great.
There's a dark quiet feel to the poem that gets more tense as we reach the end and then sort of bursts and has you frozen in awe. It's very very good. I'm not even going to talk about the structure of the poem, because it was flawless and allowed us to actually concentrate on what you, as a writer were showing to us in this poem. The words are , well, there's no other word but gorgeous, it's almost like out of all the words in the english language, you somehow managed to handpick the perfect ones. A wonderful piece of work. In fact, I'm going to go read it again to bask in it's glow. Excuse me...
if the rest of your stuff is half this good, im def going to have to check it out!
this is great, i really can't find fault with any of it...
only thing is, in third line; is it supposed to be 'wandering' or 'wondering' - either way it'd work so it doesn't matter that much.
here are my favourite bits:
crossword-cryptic, and without a name;
and:
reminding him with age-old innocence
that living is a pleasure, not a sin.
i like the style a lot. keep it up!
~KayJuran~
Thanks for the praise, E; means a lot.
Wow . . . you never cease to amaze me. That was actually one of the most fantastic poems I've read on the site. It's nice to see something that's actually really good . . . there seems to have a been a bit of a lack of originality on this site lately. My favourite was the last line, absolute brilliance. I really loved it, well done!
absolutely stunningly beautiful. besides, of course, the off rhythm in the last line of the first stanza.
my favorite parts: