Greengage Girl

by backgroundbob

Published September 12, 2006

In Old Poems [terrible]

So, I wrote this and figured I'd record it, just for fun and because I haven't recorded anything for a long time. Couldn't quite get it to turn out as I wanted, but hey: that's life.

Lovin' y'all.


GREENGAGE GIRL

Give me a kiss from a novel
built on chocolate and rosehip wine,
mortared dreams of damson and pear
and strawberry raspberry plum
crushed between our toes like eyeballs
eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose,
lips like burnt-black sugar crystals,
grainy on your tongue, teeth, fingers
clasped like sweet sandpaper seedlings
around your dark brown roots and hair-
covered furrowed brow of daisies,
chained together with a story
wrought of sunny banks and fishing rods
and moss around your gentle throat.

I wake across a thousand miles
of morning sun and sailing ships,
and understand that kisses never build a dream.

They grow one.


EDIT: grr, YWS doesn't allow mp3 or ogg uploads.

here's the audio

Comments & reviews · 4
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deleted
Review
deleted wrote a review Review · Oct 9, 2006

I totally agree with Skye, Bob.

From here on out, I am going to read each of your critiques in whispers against the backdrop of Louie Armstrong.

I love you man.

If you ever want to write a poem to me, and speak it in whispers, please remember to tell me how pretty you think I am.

-Slick

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Skye
Review
Skye wrote a review Review · Oct 9, 2006

Mmh... You have a sexy voice. ;)

This was a fabulous poem, both out loud and on paper, which seems to be a rare accomplishment indeed. No criticism, just love.

User avatar
xanthan gum
Review
xanthan gum wrote a review Review · Sep 12, 2006

Okay, I can't listen to the audio because my computer is evil... But I can slather a useless comment on you. This is the best thing you've written in a while. I love how in your poems, every word seems to fit with the trend, the theme. It's beautiful. The poem seems to be an idea, a noun, itself.



Your hesitation suggests you are trying to protect my feelings. However, since I have none, I would prefer you to be honest. An artist's growth depends upon accurate feedback.
— LCDR Data