They are ones you trust more than your life,
They are not the jealous or the cruel type.
Whether they be stupid or they be bold,
They also love you more than the world.
When someone to trust you need,
His/her advice you opt to heed.
Crazy as they seem at first sight,
They never betray you as others might.
Though enemies may try to turn them aganist you,
You can always count on them, not to.
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139,850 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Knight Malachi to review for Review Day.
Negative first. I agree with ajruby12 that the first four lines could use better rhyming. I saw no other errors, but i didn't like the last line as an ending. I would add two more rhyming lines as a kind of summary.
Positive. This a a great compliment tribute to good friends. I loved the writing. it was pretty good overall.
Keep it up, and happy Reviewing Day.
Thanks, I would try to improve it.
Hello! I'm just here for a little review!
I'd like to start out by saying I enjoyed the sweet, short poem. It was infinitesimal in the category of ingenuity. It is also very mainstream, which can be congenial and amiss. It was not the most melodramatic poem I've read, but it was nice and facile.
Now on to grammar issues. I see a few. First off, when you wrote,
"When someone to trust you need" I believe it should be
"When someone you trust AND need."
Also it is grammatically incorrect to write
"or they be bold" it really should be
"Or they are bold."
In the line "They never betray you as others might." Is a run-on sentence. You must insert a comma between 'you' and 'as'.
And the other way around on the last line. You added an unnecessary bandage. Take out the comma between 'them' and 'not' because it is really not needed.
Continue writing!
Molly-
Thanks
Hey! ajruby12 here!
Ok, I love the idea on this! I think you did a very nice job. But the negative bit first. The first 4 lines could, in my opinion, use a little closer word rhyming. And yes, I knlw how hard it is to find the right word! (It stresses me out often.) But that's the only thing I see. Grammar wise, I don't notice any mistakes.
But a very good job with the poem!
"May the reviews be ever I'm your favor!"
-Lady Ariana, The Silver Knight
Thanks
Hi anshira,here is Dark to give review on your poem.
This is one of my favorite poem in YWS!The theme is easy but you managed to modify it to be something new and fresh.
# They are ones you trust more than your life,-->Really breathtaking!
They are not the jealous or the cruel type.
Whether they be stupid or they be bold,
They also love you more than the world.-->You are able to use beautiful language, transforming it into something that enthralling to the reader.
# When someone to trust you need,-->I feel a bit odd with this line.The sentence structure is not really fit here.it is a passive verse right?
His/her advice you opt to heed. -->'His/her-->I think 'their' is more wonderful to use instead of 'his/her'.
Overall,I like your poem here even though some lines can be improved.Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
Thanks