A Message To My Ex

Chilow for the review, here we go

Honestly it pains me to point out even the most unimportant of faults in poetry, so I suppose I should preface this whole review with--> This poem is beautiful, and anything I might point out is will be nitpicky, because it's really quite hard to find anything wrong with perfection

Enough blathering, here's what I have to say:

P"laces to be, people to see,

Did you really think I was so lonely?

Look here- come on look at me,

Oh...I don't think you believe what you see.

Break my heart- you thought you'd tear me apart,

Well I ain't a quitter- am gonna redo it from the start." ------> First off, very well done. This immediately made me think of the song Respect (the Aretha Franklin recording, though Otis Redding's was certainly quite good.) As Aravind so eloquently put it, this really reads as a personal experience; and a hard one at that. This speaks volumes to a life shaping event/ series of events that, as many life changers do, starts as a terrible happening where we imagine that life is over and there's no point to keep going, only to realize that.... we're still alive. We're still breathing. And life goes on. At the risk of quoting Kelly Clarkson and her song (which I ironically hate), what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, though obviously this has reasonable limits.... but I digress. The only thing I can really see in this stanza would be that changing "am gonna redo it from the start" to "I'm gonna redo it from the start."

Moving on xD (to more nitpicking [I'm sorry!])

"But now I learnt my lesson-without a doubt."---- I think this would be an opportune moment for "I" to be substituted with "I've." Not particularly important, but as I said, it's hard to find things wrong with near perfection!


"I was smitten by you- but now something different I feel" ---- I believe that smitten would be correctly used with "I was smitten with you" as opposed to "by you." (Again, this is nitpicking and I apologize xD)

"But now I have moved on- with you I am completely done,

So good luck with the rest of your life- make sure you have fun."

^ ^ ^ Try as I might, there is nothing I could possibly think of to improve this, especially seeing as how this is easily my favorite two lines, and Respect comes back to mind. If this was written from a personal experience, good for you for moving on and taking strength from the experience. If not, still, I commend you for your poetic skills. You're a true talent, and you have my respect Keep up the good work, and know that I'll be reading! Cheers!

This piece of poetry seems to be straight from the heart - as a personal experience (life event). Due to this, there's so much emphasis on the language use and content.

Content wise, it's very clear that you are discussing about your ex. I am able to identify the concept of how this person has cheated on you, or somehow ditched you. What's quite unclear is what this person did - I am able to realize that this person did something you didn't realize until the very moment. I feel, a little more content on what the person did, would enhance the quality of the poem.

Grammar and Spelling wise, I think you're quite fine. Third last line of your poem, I think you meant to say "It did cause me pain". Otherwise, you have no serious issues.

Structure wise, I feel you could've broken the poem down into stanzas. Possibly after every full stop, or something like that. Breaking the content down into stanzas, gives each section its own significance. One stanza could talk about you reflecting on the past experience, the other could be on your reaction, and the next about something else. This way it would be more pleasing. Nevertheless, this is alright.

The content is indeed coherent, meaning any common man can understand your work. The title itself says it all - and the content acts as the backbone for your title.

Literary Usage too was quite good in this poem. I am able to identify use of metaphors and adjectives here.


My personal rating for this work is 3.7/5


Keep up the good work

Great writing and the message of the poem was given well, good job and keep it up!