Hands over my mouth,
with barely concealed excitement.
Bouncing on my feet,
My eyes twinkling.
Rushing over to my mum,
I squeeze her into a hug.
I tell her the good news,
“Your son is coming home today.”
After what felt like an eternity,
My beloved brother was finally,
returning home from college,
for good.
I pace around the room,
with my mind pacing,
twice as fast.
A gazillion bright ideas,
about what all we’d do.
A gazillion plans,
of how it would be.
*brinng brinng*
The sound of the phone,
I almost trip over my feet,
to answer.
*Clang*
The sound when the phone,
slips from my hand,
and crashes onto the ground.
I stare ahead,
with a gaze bleak with despair.
Can ears lie?
I ask myself repeatedly.
My mum rushes over,
“What happened dear?”
I see the light leave her face,
as I answer.
“ Dean met with an accident.
He’s not coming home after all.
For good.”
I finally let out a strangled sob,
and hold my face in my hands.
My mother’s devastated face,
pale and grief- stricken,
Is the last thing I see,
As I sag into a dead faint.
Some might say,
happiness is overrated.
With so much pain everywhere,
How can one be happy?
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This is the most emotional poem that I have ever read. With the description that has so much pain and agony from the protagonist's point of view. I have felt that much pain when I lost my older brother, Daniel in a car accident.
The poem has such great imagery such as eyes twinkling, or the sound effects of the phone ringing. The transitions of the happiness of the girl into the girl whose her dreams are crushed when she finds out that her brother Dean died in a car accident are phenomenal. The dreams of the audience will feel the same as the girl that you created in this poem. This is truly a masterpiece. This poem truly makes the readers truly ask "How can one be happy?"
Thanks
This poem was really emotional and your story was well told. It sounds like this event in your life was really hard to tell us. I know I could probably never tell people if this happened to me. Now, here's the truth, even though this happened to you, you still need to find things that make you happy. For instance, running, singing, dancing, and writing all make me happy. Without them I would be even more depressed than I already am. Try making a list of things that you enjoy or that you are thankful for. Then, focus on that list for a few days and see how it changes your attitude toward life.
-5kKitty
This is not something I've personally been through but read in one of the books. Well, I hope this never happens to anyone though. Thank you for the review.
Hey! Kazey here to review!
I really liked most of what you did here. You told a heartbreaking story in such a raw and emotional way. There was no sugarcoating or rich imagery here, and I actually think that worked well with the piece. It helped me feel the emotions. If this is something you've been through, I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to go through such a tragic turn of events.
Just some little things I wanted to point out. You're title is a little long, and also makes this sound like it's going to be an essay or something. It just doesn't stay in the mind very well. I also don't like your last four lines. I know that without them, your message isn't as clear, but it's still there. I feel you could take those lines out completely and just end after;
As I sag into a dead faint.
All entirely my opinion, of course. You don't have to change anything. Anyway, quite an emotional poem, and I hope to read more of your work in the future.
~Kazey
Thanks. I think I will change the title. I haven't been through this personally- I read it in one of the books and the situation touched me so I thought of writing about it.