The hushed voices of the people,
The pointed, accusing glares,
The feeling of being unwanted,
The aura that seems to suffocate me.
Why do they find me so hard to believe?
Iam innocent,
Dedicated my life to my career,
Never commited a crime in my life,
Yet never wondered what it would feel like.
How can they not recognize Iam being framed?
The scheming mind of the guilty,
So clever, so sharp; yet so deadly,
Freedom can tempt them to do anything,
Even if this means destroying other's lives.
Why should I be the one having to pay?
They say not to reveal anything,
Quietly confess what we ask you to,
Remember your family pays if you don't,
And that the weight of sorrow would be too much.
Why can anyone not lend a helping hand?
What did I do to deserve all this?
When did I ever harm this people?
Where do they find the courage to be so cruel?
Why can I not live a normal life?
Please tell me a way out.
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139,852 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Hello there. :3
So I really liked the idea behind it. Certainly tells us a lot about the state of mind of person who is being blamed for what he hasn't done and what the person is going through and stuff. The poem was really simple and descriptive at the same time. It certainly conveyed what it wanted to. I really liked it.
And as you said it is your first try at a non rhyming poem, you did well. Whenever you right a poem which is non rhyming or free verse then you should always try to giving proper line breaks, they are game changers.
But one thing bothered me, it didn't quite bring out the emotion in me which it was supposed to. And one more thing, try breaking your poems into stanzas. Looks good to the reader. And try not to capitalize each first word of a line. It is kind of distracting.
I guess that I and the am should have a space between them. You could correct that.
"this people"? Sounds wrong, doesn't it? Maybe it could be "these people" or "them".
All in all it was good poem, but a little imagery and bit more emotion could have made it great. I really liked it and would want to read more of your works.
Keep writing.
Live long and prosper. :3
Thanks so much. I did break up the stanzas but I do not know why it did not appear here.
I was also facing the same problem. Try using the pm editor and copy it from there.
thanks
Hi There!
So this is a really nice poem.. I love the theme and it is especially close to my heart. I'm a law student, and cases of innocent people being convicted and the real criminals being let free just about tear me apart..
Coming to the actual writing of it, the poem in itself is really good, considering it's your first time with free verse. *Thumbs Up!*
It is good and flows pretty rhythmically. But I do have a few tiny suggestions to make. keep in mind that these are my personal opinions and you can totally overlook them and still have a really good work in hand.
1. You've used a lot of 'Iam'. I suggest that you change it to either 'I'm' of 'I am'.
2. 'Why can anyone not lend a helping hand?' Consider changing this line to 'Why can't anyone lend a helping hand?'
3. 'When did I ever harm this people?' The 'this people' here could do better as 'these people' or 'this person', depending on how many people you refer to. This is a grammatical error, so I recommend giving it a serious thought.
4. 'Why can I not live a normal life?' This again could be changed to 'Why can't I live a normal life?'
5. 'Please tell me a way out.' Consider modifying it and adding an 'of' after 'me'. It'll look something like this- 'Please tell me OF a way out.'
I know, 5 suggestions? you must be thinking what happened to 'few tiny suggestions'. But like I said, you can totally overlook them. Just give a serious thought to point three.
Anyways overall it's a good attempt. I'd say 7.5/10
Keep it up!
Harshita
Thank you so much
It was a pleasure
Shouldnt the poem be like all the same end ??