Faded ink,
on the pages.
Folded corners.
Pages turning,
as always,
of the same old book.
*
Crazy this,
memories,
kept alive.
Every moment,
recorded perfectly.
One's very existence in words.
*
A slight smile.
A trip down,
memory lane.
Remembrance,
of what was.
Like a warm breeze.
*
First kiss.
Every word.
Every sentence,
like a caress.
Unforgettable.
Etched in memory.
*
Warm smiles,
suddenly vanish.
Every dream,
a nightmare now.
Torturous.
Without any warning.
*
A loving family,
caring friends,
"The One".
A perfect life,
slipping away,
like sand from my grasp.
*
The sickening thud,
of the cover,
falling shut,
yet again.
Mind whirling.
What went so wrong?
*
Reading,
and rereading,
in vain.
Eyes desperate,
for a lone clue.
Where did I mess up?
*
One detail,
one mistake,
that left me,
with nothing,
to hold on to.
Or was it just too good to last?
*
Dear Diary,
been through it all,
by my side.
My way of,
pulling through.
My one friend for life.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello anshira, how are you?!
I am here to review your lovely Poem
, like niteowl down their, I also at first did not really no ware this was going, but it turned out to work just fin, I like the choice of words that was great and I felt a great feeling when I was reading your poem, its GREAT. and I LOVE LOVE LOVE! how you ended it, and i also did not care for the first few lines but what the hek i cant give you too much trouble about your poem when i stink at them, hahaha, so really great job and i cant wait to see more of your work 
Thank you.
Shore!
Hi there anshira! Niteowl here to review this poem.
Overall, I liked the narrative structure of this. I didn't really know where this was going at first, and I feel like you handled the transition from "happy memories" to "regret/wondering what went wrong" very well.
I didn't like the first couple lines of this stanza. I thought it was awkwardly worded. I like to offer suggestions for rewording but I'm afraid I don't have any at the moment. However, I love the last line. It's just so succinct and perfect.
I like the bit about the warm breeze, but "a trip down memory lane" is a cliche. I would consider replacing it with something that stands out more.
One more thing I noticed about the piece overall was the choice of line breaks and punctuation. The combination of short lines and end-line punctuation makes the whole piece feel very stilted. I don't mind the short lines as much, but I think it would be worth considering sentence punctuation or another style. You can read more about the different styles of punctuation in poetry here: Punctuation in Poetry.
Overall, I really liked this. Great job and keep writing!
Thanks.