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Moonlight Saga: Lost Throne ~ Chapter 3.4 - Transformation

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


Spatters of blood mingled with the clear rain as the hidden assailant cut down one bandit after another. A flash of lightning illuminated the scene of confused and terrified bandits. Re’ana caught a glimpse of bright blonde hair intermingled with the bandits, and a part of her was relieved. The bandits would turn and slash wildly at the darkened figures, cutting down their own in a fear-induced frenzy. What started as a group of twenty men was reduced to four in a matter of moments as they unknowingly turned on one another.

Fang appeared from the shadows of the forest and stared down the remaining four bandits that were trembling in fear, like he was some sort of demon summoned from the bowels of hell. His curved single-edged blade in hand still stained with blood from those that he had slain. A scream drew Fang attention to the cave where the leader held Re’ana and pressed a dagger to her throat. “Drop the sword!” the man demanded.

“Guard! Execute this man for his threats and…” Re’ana commanded before a hand cut her off by squeezing her windpipe,.

“Shut up!” the man yelled. “Drop the sword or I’ll spill her blood all over this place!”

For a long moment no one moved. The bandits watched Fang to see what his next move was and Fang weighed his options. He slowly moved his sword to his left hand and held it out as he started to kneel down to set his weapon on the muddy ground. The sound of the heavy rain muffled the quiet rasp of metal as Fang slowly pulled his dagger from the small of his back. Setting the sword on the rain riddled ground, Fang began to slowly stand back up and Re’ana couldn’t believe he was giving up so easily. I knew he wasn’t a true guard, she thought. Fang rotated the dagger around so he held the blade in his calloused fingers. In a quick movement he flung the edge steel at the man’s head. The tempered metal embedded in the man’s forehead all the way to the narrow hilt. Re’ana looked to the man, whose arm went limp, and watched him drop to the earth and stare lifelessly at the cloud covered sky.

Fang turned his gaze back to the four bandits standing in a huddled group. He gave a slight motion of his head as a signal for the bandits to leave. They looked among each other and quickly made a run for escape; not giving Fang time to change his mind. Fang continued to watch them even after they disappeared out of sight. Retrieving his sword from the ground, Fang walked to Re’ana and looked at the thin scratch on her throat. “You could have killed me,” Re’ana spat out.

“You’re welcome, princess,” Fang said. He pulled the dagger from the man’s head and wiped it clean on the man’s tunic.

“Where were you?!” Re’ana screamed. “Since you ran off I have nearly had my hand cut off, been molested by these wretched bandits, and I’m starving!”

“If you had stayed at the cottage, like I told you, none of that would have happened,” Fang replied. “I went to scout a way to the wall. The T’vi have their minion’s watching all paths back to the wall. It would seem that they’re after you.” He walked into the cave and sat down by the fire, his soaked hair dripping droplets of water to the already drenched ground.

“Some guard you are!” Re’ana screamed in her tirade. “You just left and I was in danger!”

“And I came back!” Fang roared as he got to his feet. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Princess; but, you’re not in your castle anymore! There aren’t any servants at your beck and call! There aren’t comfy beds for you to lay our precious head on! This is the wild! Out here you either keep your eyes open or you end up dead! I am not here to wait on you hand and foot! I am not here to appease your every whim! I am here to keep you alive!”

“How dare you talk to me in such a fashion! I am your princess! I am of royal blood!”

“That means nothing out here! There are no royalty! There are no kings or peasants! And I am tired of your complaining and your ungratefulness! You think I’m such a bad guard?! Then go! See how well you do on your own out there! But I can promise you this; there are far worse things out there than me.” Fang sat by the fire and seethed in his anger.

Re’ana turned to walk out into the forest, but stopped at the cave entrance. As angry as she was at Fang, she knew that she couldn’t survive out in that forest alone. She would never find her way back to the wall with the winding fashion that her wolf guide had taken. She had to rely on Fang to keep her safe until she returned to the castle. She spun around and sat down across from Fang, refusing to look at him. “When we get back to the castle, I promise I will see you punished for your disrespect. You’ll be flogged a hundred times for every insolent word. I’ll see you run off from the castle with your tail between your legs as our knights bear down on you like…”

“Yeah, yeah. Threaten all you want,” Fang interrupted, throwing another log on the fire, “just don’t do it so loud. I need my beauty sleep, princess.” He stretched out on the ground and covered his eyes with his arm to block out the light of the fire.

Re’ana wrapped her arms around her knees as she stared into the fire. She sighed at her misfortune of having to once again sleep on the uncomfortable ground without so much as a pillow. She stewed in her frustration of her current situation. She idly wondered if she was being picked on by whatever gods might be bored with humanity’s simple existence. Her eyes drifted toward the sleeping Fang, whose chest was slowly rising and falling in time with a gentle snore. She may have had a great deal of disdain for him and the way that he addressed her, but he had saved her life twice in as many days.

She sighed as she thought about how long the two of them would be forced to live like barbarians in the wild. She didn’t know if she could handle this more than the night. Tomorrow she would demand that he take her back to the wall so that she would never have to see him again.

Her gaze returned to the fire and it slowly hypnotized her with its flickering dance. The sound of the rain was relaxing and made her forget about the cave that she was sitting in. She had always enjoyed the sound of the rain. Her eyes slowly drooped lower and lower until they finally closed and she fell asleep, her head against her knees.


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624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:57 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Swordsman! Casanova here to do another short review!

Overall I felt like the plot of this was strong, and I think that you are getting where you're wanting to with it. And that's always a good thing, so props for that.
The characters seem so much easier to relate to in this one. They feel more emotional, and feel as if you can sense how they're feeling and know they would react in that way.
Anyway, the dialogue seemed a bit bland to me as well, so I would refer you to previous reviews of mine on your work for how to fix that. No sense in repeating myself a million times.
I think that's all I have to say about this one, so I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Casanova




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524 Reviews


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Reviews: 524

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 7:08 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

“Guard! Execute this man for his threats and…” Re’ana commanded before a hand cut her off by squeezing her windpipe,.
She really isn't catching on is she?

“Where were you?!” Re’ana screamed. “Since you ran off I have nearly had my hand cut off, been molested by these wretched bandits, and I’m starving!”
Now she's blaming him for all that happened when she was the one that wondered off. This girl is asking for it.

The T’vi have their minion’s watching all paths back to the wall. It would seem that they’re after you.”
I wonder what the T'vi want with her. I hope I find out soon.

“And I came back!” Fang roared as he got to his feet. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Princess; but, you’re not in your castle anymore! There aren’t any servants at your beck and call! There aren’t comfy beds for you to lay our precious head on! This is the wild! Out here you either keep your eyes open or you end up dead! I am not here to wait on you hand and foot! I am not here to appease your every whim! I am here to keep you alive!”

“How dare you talk to me in such a fashion! I am your princess! I am of royal blood!”

“That means nothing out here! There are no royalty! There are no kings or peasants! And I am tired of your complaining and your ungratefulness! You think I’m such a bad guard?! Then go! See how well you do on your own out there! But I can promise you this; there are far worse things out there than me.” Fang sat by the fire and seethed in his anger.
wow. Fang really just lost his temper. He has a lot of patience, but really this girl is enough to make even a sloth go into a rage.

Overall thoughts

I feel like your chapters are starting to get smaller. I wish that each chapter was just a bit longer, but that might just be me.

It's good to see that Fang isn't just absorbing what Re'ana's saying to him. His fit was an indication that yes he does feel hurt by what she says.

Re'ana on the other hand is still a brat and I'm actually starting to not like her. Why Fang puts up with her and doesn't dump her, I'll never know. Please have her personality change just a bit as she is the main character and it isn't good if the reader doesn't like the main character.
Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image





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