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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Moonlight Saga: Lost Throne ~ Chapter 3.2 - Transformation

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


As an hour rolled by, Re’ana became increasingly irritable. “Do you even know where you’re going?” she asked Aria in an irritated tone. “This doesn’t even look like the way we came.” Re’ana couldn’t tell one way or another if it was the right direction; but, it seemed that she just needed something to complain about to break the peace and quiet of the forest. She huffed, as if that would affect Aria’s opinion or suddenly make the horse speak. Re’ana grumbled and mentally berated herself for actually wanting Fang’s company.

Aria suddenly stopped her steady pace and her ears began to flick and twist about. Re’ana stared at Aria confused before she also started to hear it too – a quiet drone of voices that could just barely be heard through the trees. A smile spread over face as she quickly spurred Aria into a gallop, heading in the direction of the voices. Finally! People! Someone other than that barbaric and uncouth Fang. People who will treat me like the lady of royalty I am! Aria broke through the foliage and out into the prairie lands. Re’ana slowed Aria to a gentle canter when she spied a village just a short distance away. A part of her was disappointed that she had not found her way to the wall, but the people here would tell her where to go once she told them who she was.

As she started down the dirt road that had been trampled out and ran through the middle of the village, Re’ana was greeted with a series of questioning stare too. Children stopped between the stone wall and thatch roof buildings that lined either side of the road to point and talk about the ‘lady from the woods.’ A few men that were feeding their horses elected to ignore the new-comer in the village. She stopped in what appeared to be a small market and slid from Aria’s back, giving a warm smile to a man selling loaves of freshly baked bread. She could feel her mouth salivating from the wonderful aroma of the loaves that came right out of the oven. She snatched one of the loaves off the table and was about to take a bite out of it when the baker grabbed her wrist roughly. “What do you think you’re doing?!” he bellowed, his round belly jiggling from his cry.

“Get your hands off me!” Re’ana demanded, pulling her arm away. “A mongrel like you should be grateful that a royal lady, such as myself, is eating your wares.”

“Royalty or not you still have to pay for it!” the baker said reaching for the bread.

“Get back commoner or I will have you imprisoned for your actions!” She quickly took a bite out of the bread and began walking away.

“We don’t take kindly to thieves; especially, ones that steal from right in front of us.”

“I am Princess Re’ana! I am royalty! Call your town guard! He will tell you!”

“We don’t have a town guard, girl. We deal with thieves on our own,” the baker said grabbing her again and roughly pushing her against the table. He pulled her arm out straight, letting the loaf of bread drop on the ground.

“Let me go! How dare you treat your princess in this…” Her words disappeared when she saw him pull out a very sharp dagger and he held it up over her wrist. “Wha…What are you doing?! Stop!”

“You steal. You lose your hand,” the baker growled.

“No...no stop! I’m your princess! I demand that you stop!” She cried out in panic as she watched him slowly raise the knife above his head.

Re’ana released a terrified scream when she saw the knife plummeting down to cut off her right hand and squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn’t have to witness the removal of her extremity. All at once, the baker was knocked away and the table that Re’ana was laying against flipped over, sending the remaining steaming loaves flying through the air and tumbling across the ground. A woman gave out a shriek and the small crowd that had gathered suddenly backed away. Rolling over to her backside and leaning against her hands, her eyes widened when her gaze fell on a huge black wolf that stood over the baker. It was nearly the size of a large man and covered in a thick black pelt that looked like it would shield the wolf from a storm of arrows. Its snout was pulled back in a vicious snarl that revealed its yellow tinted teeth as a growl rumbled from deep within its chest. One of its massive paws currently pinned the baker’s arm to prevent him from using the knife in his hand.

The men in the crowd, armed with pitchforks, hoes, and axes, began to slowly close in on the wolf. A few of them mentioned how much they could get for a pelt like the wolf’s. The animal snapped at the closing ring of men, causing the line to step back for a moment. The wolf slowly backed up until he was next to Re’ana and turned his bright green eyes to her. She let out an audible gulp as she stared into the animal’s eyes. The fear that took hold of her had her trembling in place. Those green eyes seemed to see right down into her soul. He suddenly nudged her roughly with his snout, as if telling her to stand up. She followed the silent command of the wolf and started being pushed toward Aria.

Re’ana was shocked at how intelligent the wolf seemed. Her mind wandered to the stories she had heard about the dire wolves of the old world that couldn’t be caught. It would look over its shoulder every few seconds to keep an eye on the villagers and then turn back to give her an insistent nudge. “Don’t be so pushy,” Re’ana hissed. The wolf replied with a snarl and a growl that rumbled deep in his chest, which quickly quieted Re’ana’s complaints.

Pulling herself onto Aria’s back, Re’ana took the reins and tried to spur Aria to run as far away from the wolf and village as possible. Aria began a slow walk back to the forest with the wolf leading them. Re’ana became increasingly frustrated that Aria was ignoring her comments and directions. She sighed and gave up trying to make Aria leave the wolf. She looked over her shoulder to the quickly disappearing village that was hidden behind the curtain of tree trunks and leaves.


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624 Reviews


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Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:54 pm
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Swordsman! Cas here to do a review!

I think that you do a bit better with the dialogue in this one, and it was a step up from your previous chapters. It also did better when it come to the plot, I felt it really held my attention a bit better than the other ones had been.
The paragraphs aren't as compacted nor as rough in this one, so I think that's a plus as well.
Aye, the ending. That's where you still need improvement. You lack a suspenseful ending that makes me want to turn the page. I would suggest edited it, because a page turner is always the best.
That's all for this one.

Keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Cas




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524 Reviews


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Sun Nov 27, 2016 2:38 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

“Royalty or not you still have to pay for it!” the baker said reaching for the bread.
Finally someone who agrees with me.

“No...no stop! I’m your princess! I demand that you stop!” She cried out in panic as she watched him slowly raise the knife above his head.
Maybe she'll think next time.

“Don’t be so pushy,” Re’ana hissed.
Now she's bossing a wolf that could swallow her whole. I don't know if this kid's brave or just plain stupid.

Overall thoughts

Okay so this was another one of those chapters that really had me fixed. I'm glad that you decided to bring in the wolves that you described earlier. I'm wondering if this is their leader. Another part of me for some reason thinks that the wolf is Fang. I don't know why that thought came into my head. Maybe it was you describing the wolf's eyes as bright green; the same as Fang's.

Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image





"Who am I? I'm just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future."
— Richard Siken