E - Everyone

Moonlight Saga: Lost Throne ~ Chapter 2.3 - Look Who Crashed the Party.

As evening brought its orange hued dusk, the mansion was illuminated by thousands of candles that fluttered about with the wind. Ribbons and flowers decorated the fence and halls and guests began funneling into the massive double doors placing their gifts for the princess on a table near the back. The pillars were wrapped in fine silk and bright gems that twinkled in the last rays of sunlight. The festivities began with the stringed instruments playing tunes that invited people to come dance. As always, Re’ana was at the focus of attention in the massive ballroom. Her dazzling gown sparkled in the candlelight. She unwrapped her gifts as the world outside became dark, thanking those around her profusely for their gifts in feigned gratitude. She found most of them to be dull and unfitting of a princess coming into womanhood. Not like Aria. No gift even came close to her father’s present.

Re’ana would dance with a few of the young men that were there to court her, now that she was of marrying age. Most of them were nice and gentlemanly, while others were regal and handsome. In truth, all of them were good candidates as husbands; but, none of them fit the image of her perfect knight. Her prince, whom she had been dreaming of since she was a young girl, when her father would read her fairy tales, would have the body of a god and his only wish would be to see her pleased. When the song came to a close and she gave a dainty bow and returned to her seat, releasing a disappointed sigh. “Is something the matter, Princess?” Leena inquired.

“Oh, nothing,” Re’ana responded. “I’m just a little sad. Here I am at the pinnacle of youth and my prince charming hasn’t arrived to whisk me away to his kingdom. It’s not something you would understand Leena.”

“No, Princess. I wouldn’t understand that at all,” Leena’s eyes rolled as she sang to Re’ana’s tune.

“This celebration is nice and all and Aria is a magnificent horse; but, sometimes I wish I was married and had a castle of my own with servants and cooks.” Re’ana rested her chin in her hand as she slipped into a daydream, imagining what it would be like to be her own queen. She didn’t even notice when her mother came up and started speaking with her. She blinked a few times and turned her attention to her mother, who was giving her a stern look. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

“You really need to stop disappearing into your little fantasies,” her mother said. Re’ana gave her a sheepish grin, which prompted an eye roll from her mother. “I asked if you had seen Sarce, the prince of Taqui. He has definitely come into manhood. Nothing like when you saw him three years ago.” Re’ana began looking about the room for him. Mirana nodded her head toward a young man with a chiseled jaw and curly brown hair. “What do you think about him?”

“He doesn’t fit the prince of my dreams perfectly,” Re’ana said, “but he is really close.”

“Shall I have him sent over?” Re’ana nodded eagerly and sat up a little straighter. Her hands resting delicately in her lap as she had been taught to do and exuding reaglity. Mirana got Sarce’s attention and sent him toward Re’ana. She could vaguely remember a young man with curly brown hair that was overweight of the same name. But he was nothing like the well-built spectacle that was now walking up the steps to her.

“Would you care to dance?” Sarce asked offering his arm.

“I would love to,” Re’ana said taking his offered arm. She secretly squeezed his arm through his crimson jacket and was happy to find that there was a firm muscle beneath it. Arriving, once again, at the center of the dance floor, the two of them began to slowly turn in place as a gentle waltz was played. “What took you so long to come ask for a dance?”

“I sort of got the feeling that you didn’t like me from out last encounter,” Sarce responded.

“What would make you think that?”

“You dropped a bowl of chowder on my head and said you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Oh,” Re’ana actually felt herself blushing from embarrassment. “Well, that was three years ago. I assure you that those are not my feelings now.” Sarce nodded, almost like he found her statement hard to believe. As the song ended, Sarce released Re’ana from his strong arms and they clapped for the musicians. The doors opened and a servant announced the arrival of the cake.

The towering cake was brought out for the final event of the evening. Re’ana stepped forward, a dainty smile playing on her lips, and took a deep breath to blow out the candles. A sudden feeling of unease filled her chest as the full moon peeked out from behind the clouds. A sudden crash from a window shattering cast the room in darkness. Several of the guests let out screams of terror upon seeing the shrouded creatures that flew about the room from the broken window. The soft light of the moon glinted off of their metallic hands. The wraith-like entities dove down on the frightened guests and would carry one out of the large window.

Between the blood-curdling screams and horrifying screeches, Re’ana could only think of Fang’s words, much to her annoyance. Keep running and don’t look back. She ran for the back of the ballroom where she had been sitting for the duration of the now ruined ball. Crouched beside the ornate armrest, she continued to frantically search about for an exit while the terrified screams of the guests that were carried out through the open windows into the night. When something suddenly grabbed her arm and started pulling her away, she let out a frightened shriek and beat her small fist against the arm. Opening her eyes she recognized the platinum blonde hair and black gloved hand, which currently held her wrist in a tight grip like a vice.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
felistia
Review

Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Overall thoughts

Just a quick nit pick [quote]The wraith-like entities dove down on the frightened guests and would carry one out of the large window.[quote] This sentence doesn't flow very well and I think that you need to edit it just a bit.

I thought the T'vi's could only come in if they were invited? Well it seems that Fang was quite wrong about that. Also I'm presuming that either Sarce or Fang has got hold of Re'ana right now.

Anyway another thing that I wanted to bring up was that I don't really know how old Re'ana is. What is the age to get married in this world. Is it 13 or maybe 16 or even 20. I think that it's quite important to let the reader now about now since it'll start to affect the story.

By the way, I forgot to mention before that your dialogue is excellent. It's realistic and helps to convey the characters feelings and personality really well.


Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image

User avatar
SerenaRaine
Review

Hey,
I haven't yet read previous chapters, but this is very well-written. Your descriptions are beautiful and the dialogue is extremely entertaining! I don't really have any criticism for this chapter, except this one line stood out to me:

Crouched beside the ornate armrest, she continued to frantically search about for an exit while the terrified screams of the guests that were carried out through the open windows into the night.

I think something slightly different would run smoother:
Crouched beside the ornate armrest, she continued to frantically search about for an exit, while guests' terrified screams were carried out through open windows into the night.

Looking forward to reading other chapters.
Keep writing! :)



He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche