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Young Writers Society


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Moonlight Saga: Lost Throne ~ Chapter 2.4 - Look Who Crashed the Party.

by XxXTheSwordsmanXxX


Dragging Re’ana to a nearby wall, Fang tore aside the ornate tapestry that hung from the iron rod mounted to the wall above him. Bracing his body against the stone the wall slowly began to move and revealed a hidden passage. Grabbing the princess’ arm once more he pulled her into the tunnel. The near pitch black darkness of the corridor caused Re’ana to trip and stumble only held up by Fang’s demanding pull. “Where are my parents?” Re’ana cried.

“The rest of the guard is taking them out another escape passage,” Fang replied. “We’ll meet up with them at the safe house.” As relieved as Re’ana was to hear that her family would be alright; she was annoyed by the fact that Fang was not addressing her in the proper fashion.

Fang came to a sudden halt, causing Re’ana to run into his back. He quickly gave her a silent sign to remain quiet before she could speak. Peeking his head out beyond the foliage, Fang scanned the skies for any sign of the T’vi. The safety of the forest lay beyond the open stretch of land that spanned nearly a hundred yards. A piercing shriek echoed from behind them, signaling the T’vi coming down the corridor that had been Fang and Re’ana’s escape. “Run for it!” Fang ordered as he began dragging the princess after him.

Another sound caused Fang to tear his ivory handled sword from its sheath. The sound, that had seemed so close to the cry of the shrouded figures that pursued them, came from a horse that was thundering across the plane. “Aria?” Re’ana said in confusion. The chestnut mare gave out a whinny and a snort before stopping beside the fleeing pair. Fang sheathed his curved sword and pulled himself onto the mare’s unsaddled back, holding out his hand for Re’ana.

Re’ana was shocked to see Aria accepting Fang as a rider. She was only supposed to take me as a rider! Traitorous horse, Re’ana thought to herself. She gave him a dejected look as her attention was pulled to what Fang was implying of her. “You must be joking. How am I supposed to ride without a saddle?”

“The same way your ancestors did before they invented the saddle,” Fang replied. “Now come on!” He grabbed her arm rather forcefully and dragged her up into the space behind him. Giving Aria a swift kick to her flanks with his heels they took off across the plane just as the wraith-like creatures came rushing out of the hidden opening in the wall to pursue them. “Come on, girl! Faster!” Fang glanced over his shoulder, sensing the T’vi closing in on them. Their shrieks sent chills down Re’ana’s spine, like their skeletal hands where trailing their fingertips along her back. Aria’s thundering hooves kept them moving toward the approaching tree line as Fang continued to coax more speed from the mare that carried them.

The T’vi suddenly soared skyward as the trees encompassed the trio. Re’ana released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and Aria began to slow as the present danger had seemed to pass them by. Sliding down from his place on Aria’s back he patted the mare’s shoulder in thanks. Taking the reins, Fang led Aria through the silent woods. Not even the crickets chirped in the darkness around them. “Are those creatures gone?” Re’ana asked. As if to answer, another shriek came from overhead and passed them by.

“No,” Fang replied. “But the trees will give us cover to slip away.” Now that the T’vi were out of sight, but not quite out of mind, Re’ana’s familiar attitude returned. She cleared her throat to show her irritation with Fang. “What?” he asked looking to her.

“Just because we’re no longer within the wall does not mean that you can ignore the proper way to address me.”

Fang’s eyes rolled so hard that he thought he might have strained something. “Forgive me, Princess. I will make sure to remember that from now on.” The sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable.

“Watch your tone or I’ll have you flogged.”

“You know, Princess, there are many creatures in this forest that would love to dine on royalty. The louder and longer you talk the more likely they are to find us.” Re’ana wasn’t sure if he was being serious or if he was just trying to make her be quiet, but didn’t want to meet anything that lived in these woods. Her mind was already playing tricks on her. Imagining things in the shadows that weren’t really there.

Half-an-hour passed, but to Re’ana it felt more like half the night, and they came to a small cottage. The stone and mortar buried in a thick blanket of ivy. A lake sat several yards from the small, overgrown building. Small ripples lapped gently at the store. “Looks like we’re the first ones here, unless they went to one of the other safe houses.”

“Well, did they or didn’t they? You said before that we would meet them here.”

“That was the plan, Princess; but, plans change. They might have gotten cut off by those T’vi that came after us.” Re’ana held in a groan from the thought of spending the evening in Fang’s company by herself. He led Aria to the trough near the cottage and helped Re’ana to the ground. The inside of the cottage could barely be considered a place to rest. A few thin mattresses on wooden frames served as beds and a small table to eat at. “I’ll let you get some rest, Princess. I’m going to make a fire.” Fang closed the door behind him, leaving Re’ana alone in the dark cottage. She tested the mattresses and chose the on that provided the most padding on the wooden supports. She lay down on the creaking bed and shifted about trying to get more comfortable.


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524 Reviews


Points: 7146
Reviews: 524

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 1:26 am
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felistia wrote a review...



Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day. :D

Nit-picks

Dragging Re’ana to a nearby wall, Fang tore aside the ornate tapestry that hung from the iron rod mounted to the wall above him
I knew it! How did he get there though and how'd he find her in time?

As relieved as Re’ana was to hear that her family would be alright; she was annoyed by the fact that Fang was not addressing her in the proper fashion.
Not the time to be worrying about Fang addressing you wrong. For crying out loud you're under attack.

“Just because we’re no longer within the wall does not mean that you can ignore the proper way to address me.”
Oh for crying out loud. He just saved your royal hide.

Fang’s eyes rolled so hard that he thought he might have strained something. “Forgive me, Princess. I will make sure to remember that from now on.” The sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable.
Thank you. Just what I was thinking. Poor Fang. What a thankless job.

Overall thoughts

I'm loving this story so far. It's action packed and full of great characters. I'm still a bit confused on the T'vi. How'd they get in?

Re'ana is still as bratty as ever and a bit on the silly side. Who in the world worries about how their being dressed when there's vampire like things flying after them? Fang seems to agree with me for that matter.

Aria seemed to act a bit strange in this chapter. Why'd she let Fang ride her? Maybe because she wasn't worried about who rode her so long as Re'ana was safe. Ha the horse has more sense than Re'ana.

Overall this was a great chapter and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night. :D

Your friend, Felistia. :D

This review courtesy of Image




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60 Reviews


Points: 87
Reviews: 60

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Sun Apr 03, 2016 6:54 pm
Spartan118 wrote a review...



I am going to review your work today and since it's review day but they have no connection to each other for this review. I am doing this review cause it's something to do and since I can't post a story or poem or anything today so I'm just going to write a really long review about your story. I really like this story and love how it's progresses so far though I need to read the other parts to really start making sense of this whole story cause I have missed a few parts to Moonlight Saga: Lost Throne. I love that name it's so eye catching and it is kinda confusing to me cause I don't understand why the story is named the way it is though if I read the other parts to this story I could understand why it's named the way it is. The more I read your stories the more I like them even though this is the second one I have read and I still like your work.

Um what else can I put in to make this a really long review?

I love your writing style, it's really easy to read and the words compliment each other in your story. I kinda wish I could write with the energy you have and not get distracted easily. I think Re'ana is kind of a snobbish person but you make it to were you don't notice that about her. Is she that way cause she's royalty l?

I hope to see this as it continues to progress and I am sorry I am taking up so much of your time to review your story. I hope you continue writing and find a way to make this into an actual book cause I know I would buy a few copies and send them to my friends. I wish you have a wonderful day, evening, morning, or night depending on where you live and keep up the good work and continue publishing this story.





Democracy! Bah! When I hear that word I reach for my feather Boa!
— Allen Ginsburg