Young Writers Society

I liked it. ALOT.
There is so much atmosphere, I feel like I'm there.
And I can relate to it. I know that sounds weird but I often just want it to rain when there is so much tension before there is a storm. When you know it needs to but it just keeps holding on...
Liked the new descriptions especially. There are so many poems about storms (I myself have written one and as you seem to be pretty good at them could you review mine?) but I felt this had lots of new idea's in it.
Well done!
xxx

Yes, really better without the charcoal spheres part. I really liked this poem. It needs a little more description though. If you could add in a few more adjectives to your lines to support your beautiful nouns, this would really turn out great. I like the whole image you have going on here, it just needs more depth and maybe even a clearer meaning? Good Job.

Keep it up!
-Rieda

I have edited it a little...for the first time since it was posted.

Charcoal spheres....totally gone now. Better? Haha.

What are charcoal spheres?

I love this poem! I'd clear up what "Charocal spheres" is though! I'm postig it on my website!

write me,


I looked here for something new.

I could have saved my time.

Given the title and the trope, there is nothing here that surprises or delights the reader. It is all predictable and in the end boring.

The problem isn't execution, it's concept.


Regards,
Brad

I liked this poem and I thought you used suitable imagery, a little confusing in some places, but nevertheless, enjoyable to read. good job xx

write me wrote:The Storm


She stands in the field,
Her charcoal spheres pointed to the sky.
She stands hoping for just one drop to fall.

The clouds hang above,
like monsters over the dry ground.
They threaten a storm, but she knows better.

The wind is more than blustering,She loses her balance and stumbles a little.
But the wind has no business with this land.

Lightning bounces through the thick sky,
Flashing down upon her silhouette figure.
It beckons for thunder, but it never comes.

She stands in the field,
Only waiting for a glimmer of hope.
Waiting for a pillar of strength
To hold against the storm.

She stands in the field,
Her charcoal spheres pointed to the sky.
She stands hoping for just one drop to fall.

The clouds hang above,
like monsters over the dry ground.
They threaten a storm, but she knows better.

The wind is more than blustering,
She loses her balance and stumbles a little.
But the wind has no business with this land.

Lightning bounces through the thick sky,
Flashing down upon her silhouette figure.
It beckons for thunder, but it never comes.

[s]She[/s] Standing in the field,
[s]Only[/s] waiting for a glimmer of hope.
[s]Waiting for[/s] a pillar of strength
To hold against the storm.

I don't know much about critting poetry, but I just wanted to say I liked this, especially the last stanza.

write me wrote: She loses her balance and stumbles a little.

write me wrote:Flashing down upon her silhouette figure.

Her charcoal spheres pointed to the sky.

thank you for the feedback!

I actually agree with that line...I have changed it like ten times since i wrote it...i can't figure out how to make it sound right.

how about..."Beckoning for thunder, but it never comes."

takes out the first it? still the same point? what do ya think?

This is awesome! I love this stanza—

The clouds hang above,
like monsters over the dry ground.
They threaten a storm, but she knows better.

It beckons for thunder, but it never comes.