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139,448 Literary Works • 672,565 Reviews
Hey there, friend! This poem was such a treasure, I'm so glad that I discovered it. Let's get right into the review, shall we?
One thing that I noticed was that throughout this poem, there were different words that were capitalized. I'm not sure if there was a meaning behind this? Are they spelling out a message that you want us to hear? Or was this unintentional? I would love to know! But either way, I liked your even and clear formatting that you use throughout the entire piece. It felt very organized, which was something that allowed me to stay engaged throughout the entire thing. Fantastic work on this.
I really loved this quote from your poem. I find this very relatable. Sometimes when people want to hurt us, they act as if we are oblivious to pain entirely. As if we are beneath them were unable to feel things as deeply as they are. I love the bold statement you make of knowing when something hurts you. And perhaps it's not a thing. Perhaps it's actually a person, which is them, person, you're talking to. I like the tone that you use throughout this poem too for example, the very end, when you ask questions like "why can I see you so clearly when I can see nothing else at all?". Phenomenal work!
I loved the ending a lot, as I said earlier, I love the question that you ask. It sounds like this person is really hurt you a lot. And whether this is a literal person, or something that can control your life, it's still very powerful. Perhaps this person could represent an addiction or something really hard that you're going through. Or, they could even be a literal friend or someone that you know. I love this image that you paint, you standing on this tight rope trying to survive, well, at any time, they wish they just shake it until you fall. This really helps me capture that feeling up an anxiety and hopelessness in a way. Fantastic work. I'm so glad that I discovered your works because it's amazing! Keep on writing and have a wonderful day.
Your friend,
Ellie
I like the rawness of the imagery, especially with the wire cutting into their soles, it's vivid and impactful. The fog adds a sense of disorientation and uncertainty, which I find relatable. The mention of someone behind them holding their shoes creates a sense of vulnerability and danger. It's interesting how they question why they can see that person so clearly amidst the uncertainty of their surroundings. The overall atmosphere is mysterious and unsettling, drawing me into the scene.
This poem is very deep. It took me a second to understand what was truly going on. I was confused but the last two sentences REALLY pulled it together for me.
(Why can I see you so clearly, When I can see nothing else at all?)
I reread it, and wow. I'm guessing that this poem means that a person can blind you so much from the outside world. From anything that hurts you, from seeing their true self. That's until you finally realize what's going on.
This was very, very well written. It's a lot to take in in such a short poem. Overall, It was very good! I love your work.
Hello Hello, I hope you will feel better soon if this is based on you. First off I love the mood and feeling this gives off I can really understand the anger that's starting to bloom. I would recommend only a few things because it is very well done and keep in mind that this is my personal opinion.
The first one is just a small nitpick, but if you want to push the mood maybe describe the feeling of the wire cutting into your feet. Is it a pain that slices through your heel like a fresh sword or does it make your nerves scream? Secondly, my next one is in a similar vein. I feel that maybe putting both some imagery and sensory details would help elevate this piece.
Perhaps things like choking on the cool fog below the tightrope or that the world looks like an ethereal mass under your feet. Again you don't have to do this is just my opinion.
Overall it's well done I hope you keep writing and remember to drink water.