Young Writers Society

scary because i have ALWAYS hated china dolls...oops!! o.o lol
well except the spelling errors it was perfect but hey i make them to...a lot

Hey Meg =]

Wow. I wish could make up a story as good as this without knowing where the plot is heading!

I'm really creeped out by this - not only by the story, but by how similar this is to a story that I wrote with a friend for English when I was in year eight.

My story had almost the same plot except that the MC found the doll in a magic shop. I had a freaky rhyme/ song too. It went; Mummy, I'm on the first step. Mummy, I'm on the second step, etc...

It was an enjoyable read and I couldn't find anything else to point out that hasn't already been brought to your attention.

xDudettex =]

Hi,
I really, really liked this story. I think you mentioned that the "end was crappy" but really it is quite good. My English teacher told us about different endings for stories and returning to a key point in the story is something that he mentioned. I did my story the same way

All my edits, concerns and comments will be in bold

Taylor Pritchard stared blankly out of the cold window. She watched the glistening raindrops fall from the sky like shiny bullets. She had been stuck inside all day and it didn't look like she was going anywhere any time soon. When Taylor was younger she would imagine that she was an explorer on days like this. She would tip toe around the house as quietly as she could until she found something of her interest. Sometimes she would simply stay in her room and play with her dolls. Taylor loved dolls. She had every kind of doll there was from rag dolls to barbie dolls but her favorite doll was her little china doll, Rosalie. Rosalie wore a silk white dress to symbolize her pure soul, her soft brown hair was curled into unique ringlets and her china lips were curved slightly so that she was smiling. Rosalie wore small silver ballet style shoes on her feet although the one shoe had a small hole in it where Taylor had accidentally ripped it. She had hypnotizing, chocolate brown, beady eyes that got everyone staring at her whenever they saw her. Taylor would go everywhere with Rosalie, she wouldn't leave the house without her favorite doll. It was almost as if she was possessed. But she was to old for that now. Playing with dolls was not something a fourteen year old girl did. In fact, Taylor hadn't even touched her dolls since she was nine, they were in the basement. The only company they ever had was the dust that lay thickly on top of them. As Taylor thought about her dolls she decided that it would be interesting to see what they looked like. She did know what they looked like, of course, but she felt the sudden urge to see them, to hold them once again.

Taylor quietly opened the small wooden door that connected her hallway to the dark basement. As the door opened it creaked loudly, almost as if it was whining. Taylor slowly began waking down the concrete stairs. For some reason she began to feel uneasy and when she reached the bottom of the steps she realized that she had been holding her breath. She felt for the light on the hard wall and it didn't take her long to find it. The second she switched it on memories came flooding back into Taylor's head rapidly. She remembered playing hide and seek with her older brother, Dean. She remembered the time she tripped over one of the cables and had to have stitches on her chin. She'd almost forgotten why she had come down into the basement when she noticed an old cardboard box in the left corner of the strangely smelling room. Taylor knelt by the box and carefully began looking though the contents of the box. She picked up many dolls but the one she picked up last was Rosalie. Rosalie looked a lot different to what she used to look like. her ringlets were tangled, her white dress was slightly yellow and the damaged shoe that she once wore was completely gone. There was a rather large crack running through her left glass eye. The biggest difference though was her mouth. Taylor had always remembered her having a small, friendly smile on her mouth but now it was just a straight line, in fact, she almost looked as though she was frowning.

Taylor gently placed Rosalie on her windowsill. Taylor was glad that she had gotten out of the basement, for some reason the uneasy feeling had been getting worse.

"Oh dear, what is that?" Taylor's mum asked, looking disgusted.

Taylor's mum was standing by her bedroom door carrying a small pile of clothes.

"It's Rosalie!" Taylor answered slightly offended.

"She's seen better days!" Mum laughed carrying on down the hallway.

Taylor turned back to Rosalie. That was strange. The doll was definitely frowning now, Taylor was sure of that. She didn't think much of it though. Her dad called her for dinner and she didn't even think about Rosalie once for the rest of the evening.

Gasping for air, Taylor suddenly woke up. Cold sweat began to run down her forehead as she began to catch her breath. She lay back down on her pillow, slightly annoyed. Her eyes began to gently close and she slowly began drifting off to sleep. As she was drifting she heard someone singing. It was a high pitched, sweet and happy voice.

"One step closer,two steps closer, three steps closer, I'm almost there..." The voice whispered.

The voice was so relaxed and so comforting that it made Taylor feel uneasy.

"Four steps closer, five steps closer..." The singing continued. "Bye bye." The voice whispered as if it was right next to Taylor's ear. Taylor jumped. She quickly turned to the clock which changed to 1:10 as she turned. She suddenly realized how stupid she was being, she was probably dreaming anyway. Once again, Taylor's eyes began to gently close until she was in a deep sleep. She slept through the whole night after that.

"What's wrong?" Taylor asked when she entered the kitchen to find her dad and her brother with tears in their eyes.

"It's mum." Dean answered, his voice shaking like a leaf in winter.

Taylor's mum was dead. She had died while out with friends the night before. She had been about to leave to go home and was walking across the road when a car had hit her out of nowhere. Her friends had found her at about ten past one that night. Taylor couldn't believe it. She ran upstairs into her room and cried for days. That was all she could do: cry. Three days after the death of her mother there was five minutes when she wasn't crying. She looked up at her windowsill but there was nothing there. She suddenly noticed that Rosalie was sitting on her bedside cabinet. Her brother must have moved her he thought. She stared at Rosalie. She was smiling once again. Taylor got off her bead, grabbed Rosalie and began hugging her tightly. There was a quiet knock on the door and seconds later Taylor's dad walked in with a plate and a piece of toast that smelt delicious.

"Hungry?" Her dad asked gently.

"Thanks." Taylor mumbled, still holding Rosalie. She reached for the toast.

"Will you put that thing down, it's giving me the creeps." Dad shuddered.

"It's a she." Taylor snapped.

"Sorry love, it's just that it's the ugliest doll I've ever seen." He said.

"Can you go please." Taylor felt like crying again.

Her dad did as he was told and left Taylor and Rosalie on their own. Taylor sighed and turned to Rosalie. She had to look twice, Rosalie was frowning once again. Taylor was to tired to think about that now, so she fell asleep with Rosalie in her arms that night.

"One step closer, two steps closer, I'm almost there..." the voice sung. Taylor had once again woken up gasping for air. That was the second time this had happened. Taylor listened as carefully as she could. She began to wonder if she was dreaming again. She must have been.

"Three steps closer, four steps closer, five steps closer." The sweet voice carried on singing. Taylor naturally turned to her clock. As she turned her head the clock changed to show 1:10.

"Bye bye." The voice seemed to be sniggering now, right next to her ear. The next thing Taylor knew, she was asleep.

"Taylor!" A voice cried in agony. Taylor quickly shot out of bed and headed downstairs.

"Taylor!" The voice shouted once again.

Taylor ran into the living room to find her brother staring coldly at the floor. Lying on the floor was Taylor's dad, as white as a ghost. There was dark red blood running down his face like some kind of warm, sticky river. Taylor couldn't believe that this was happening. The time of Taylor's father's death was supposedly in between ten past and quarter past one. As the ambulance carried the body of her deceased father out of the house, Taylor ran upstairs into her bedroom. Sitting on her windowsill once again was Rosalie. Taylor knew for a fact that Rosalie was in bed with her that night and she hadn't been moved. Rosalie was smiling. Taylor stared at the doll, her heart completely broken by now.

"Tayls." A familiar voice whispered.

Dean quietly opened the door and sat on the bed next to his sister. Taylor didn't take her eyes off Rosalie. She didn't even wince when her brother walked in.

"It's her fault." Taylor spat, still looking at the doll.

"Don't be silly Taylor." Dean sighed.

"She killed them." Taylor began crying.

"It's just a stupid, ugly doll Taylor." Dean began hugging his sister. "It belongs in the trash anyway."

"Don't!" Taylor suddenly cried. "She'll kill you!"

"Taylor, you're being ridiculous." He answered.

Rosalie was once again frowning. Taylor quickly spun around to look at the doll.- This line is a bit iffy, isn't she already looking at the doll? Maybe it should be her brother.

"Look what you've done." Taylor shouted. "She's going to kill you!"

Taylor didn't leave her brother once in the next three days. She went everywhere with him and stayed awake with him all night. She didn't want to loose him too, she couldn't. It was one o'clock in the morning and it had been three days since Dean had insulted Taylor's doll.

"Taylor, you need to get some sleep!" Dean said worriedly.

"No, I can't leave you." Taylor cried.

"One step closer, two steps closer..." The familiar voice sang.

"Noooooo!" Taylor cried, grabbing her brother.

The siblings were in the living room and Taylor was doing everything she could to make sure she had hold of her brother.

"What was that?" Dean asked nervously.

"Three steps closer, four steps closer, I'm almost there." The voice was louder now.

Taylor couldn't help but turn towards the clock. Ten past one. Taylor began to cry, something that she was incredibly used to by now.

"Taylor!" Dean screamed.

Taylor quickly spun around. Sitting on the arm of the sofa, smiling, was Rosalie. Lying next to the ugly doll was a sharp butchers knife. "Hello Taylor, I didn't know you'd be down here." Rosalie said sweetly.

Taylor and Dean simply stared at the doll. "We can be best friends forever now." The doll continued speaking, although it's mouth didn't even flinch.

"Don't you dare touch him!" Taylor screamed.

Rosalie's mouth suddenly turned into a frown. "But we're best friends, you're supposed to help me and agree with what I say." She said rather fiercely.

"I'm not your best friend, you're an ugly, disgusting, stupid doll!" Taylor shouted.

"Yes you are, you promised me we'd always be best friends." Her frown grew deeper.

"That was when I was young, I hate you!" Taylor cried.

Dean suddenly jumped off the sofa and grabbed the lighter that was lying on the coffee table.

"Don't you dare!" The doll turned it's head to face Dean.

Taylor suddenly jumped up and grabbed Rosalie. She quickly grabbed the white blanket that was lying limply on the sofa and wrapped it around the doll tightly. Dean then lit the lighter and immediately held it against the blanket with the doll inside.

"You'll pay for this!" The sweet but bitter voice screamed. "You'll pay."

Dean ran outside the patio door and threw the doll as hard as he could into the forest behind the garden fence. Dean and Taylor could hear the china doll screaming but they didn't dare look behind the fence. The screaming continued until the only sound to be heard was the sound of silence.- An iffy line again. Maybe try something quiet, like birds chirping or a car driving past, not the sound of silence though.

Neither Dean or Taylor could remember anything after that. No one knows why and no one will ever know why. No one truly knows what happened to the Pritchard family either. Some say that if you visit the Pritchard's old family home and spend the night there, you will hear a sweet, child's voice singing.

"One step closer, two steps closer, three steps closer, I'm almost there..., four steps closer, five steps closer. Bye bye."

That was awesome
I'm actually a little spooked right now
I used to have China dolls that my Grandma gave me, but I had to give them away because they really creeped me out...I'm sure some of them changed positions to how I left them some nights....
I ahd one that was supposed to be Alice in Wonderland...the creepiest of all

Anyway, the story haha
Loved how you kept the suspense going, you didn't wallow in the character's misery too much, but carried on talking aboput Rosalie and her evil plots. The song was very effective, had a dominating, foreboding sense of doom about it.
I would love to see a sequel?
Please, a follow up, perhaps years later or another toy or something?
That would be excellent
Keep on writing
You have a real talent for keeping readers interested.
Peace.
C.E.S

Okay, I really like the plot of the story. I think if it were a movie it would be really creepy, especially the little song the doll sang. There were just a few spelling mistakes that I noticed:

Cold Sweet

geld it against the blanket with the doll inside.

Neither Dean or Taylor can remember anything after that