Section of a story

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

That night was when the nightmares began. I dreamt I was in Andrea's house, but it was empty. I searched through every corner, of every room, of every hallway, of every floor. Nothing. There was nothing to be seen and the only thing to be heard was the deafening sound of silence. I could hardly walk, hardly breathe. It was darker than darkness itself and every corner I turned looked exactly the same. I began to panic, I didn't know where I was. I didn't know if I was on the top floor or the bottom floor. Everywhere looked the same. It was like a giant maze that had no ending, like a tunnel with no light at the end. I didn't know what I was searching for and whatever I was searching for it was pointless. My breathing got harder, the numbness got stronger. I began to run, but the more I ran the bigger the house got. That's where the strange part happened. I would run past a door and turn back around because inside that door there was life.

I slowly began to walk into the room. There was a grand vase with a bouquet of unimaginable flowers placed beside the sofa. The flowers were pink, orange, blue, red and any other colour anyone could possibly think of. There was a pale blue bed at one end of the room, matching a pale blue sofa. But none of these things weren't important to me. The chair at the very end of the room by the bed was the item that was important to me. Because sat on that chair there was the girl. I kept walking forward until I reached the chair. The girl was sad. She held her head down looking at the floor. I tried talking to her but I got no response. She just sat there. Sat there and cried. I wanted to put my arm around her, comfort her but no matter how hard I tried there was always something stopping me from doing so. This feeling. This force. The girl suddenly looked up. I knew who she was. It was Sapphire, I was sure of that. And that's when I would wake up.

I would wake up gasping for air. Sometimes I woke up and I could swear that someone was watching me. Watching me in the darkness. I could feel the cold sweat running down my forehead. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. I didn't understand what the dream meant, the only thing I was positive about was that the young girl was Sapphire. I tried to remember the dream. Sapphire looked about thirteen. She was afraid, lonely, confused and there was nothing I could do to help her. The numb feeling began to fade and the fear began to disappear. These feelings were replaced by wonder and confusion. Nothing made sense. Why would I dream something like that? What did it mean? These questions were like my dream, they got me searching, searching for the answer to nothing.

For some reason I wanted to cry but I couldn't so I just stared at nothing and thought about nothing. That is something I like-nothing. The good thing about nothing is that you don't get worried by it and there's nothing bad about it. It's just so peaceful. There isn't anything good about it either but the fact that there isn't anything bad about nothing is what makes it good.

Thanks for the comments guys!
It's not really supposed to make sense because it's a random part of the story!

Hi Megan! Welcome to the site and I hope you like it here so far. x]

Megan White wrote:That night was when the nightmares began. I dreamt [s]that[/s] I was in Andrea's house comma for effect but it was empty. I searched through every corner, of every room, of every hallway, of every floor. Nothing. There was nothing to be seen and the only thing to be heard was the deaf[s]a[/s]ening sound of silence. I could hardly walk, hardly breathe. It was darker than darkness itself and every corner I turned looked exactly the same. I began to panic[s]k[/s], I didn't know where I was. I didn't know if I was on the top floor or [s]if I was on[/s] the bottom floor. Everywhere looked the same. It was like a giant maze that had no ending, like a tunnel with no light at the end. I didn't know what I was searching for and whatever I was searching for it was pointless. [s]The[/s] My breathing got harder, the numbness got stronger. I began to run, but the more I ran the bigger the house got. That's where the strange part happened. I would run past a door and turn back around because inside that door there was life. I slowly began to walk into the room. There was a grand vase with a bouquet of unimaginable flowers placed beside the sofa. The flowers were pink, orange, blue, red and any other colour anyone could possibly think of. There was a pale blue bed at one end of the room, matching a plae misspelt blue sofa. But none of these things were what caught my attention. Well they must have, for she's describing them. May say they were not important to her, rather? The chair at the very end of the room by the bed was the item that caught my attention. Bit awkwardly phrased Because sat on that chair there was [s]the[/s] a girl. I kept walking forward until I reached the chair. The girl was sad. She held her head down looking at the floor. I tried talking to her but I got no response. She just sat there. Sat there and cried. I wanted to put my arm around her, comfort her but no matter how hard I tried there was always something stopping me from doing so. This feeling. This force. The girl suddenly looked up. I knew who she was. It was Sapphire, I was sure of that. And that's when I would wake up. I would wake up gasping for air. Sometimes I woke up and I could swear that someone was watching me. Watching me in the darkness. I could feel the cold sweat running down my forehead. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. I didn't understand what the dream meant, the only thing I was posotive spelling about was that the young girl was Sapphire. I tried to remember the dream. Sapphire looked about thirteen. She was afraid, lonely, confused and there was nothing I could do to help her. The numb feeling began to fade and the fear began to disappear. These feelings were replaced by wonder and confusion. Nothing made sense. Why would I dream something like that? What did it mean? These questions were like my dream, they got me searching, searching for the awnser spelling!!! to nothing.

For some reason I wanted to cry but I couldn't comma so I just stared at nothing and thought about nothing. [s]That is something I like. Nothing.[/s] That is something I like -- nothing. The good thing about nothing is that you don't get worried by it and there's nothing bad about it. It's just so peacfull spelling, again. There isn't anything good about it either but the fact that there isn't anything bad about nothing is what makes it good.

Hello Megan.
I'm Mia and I will be your reviewer today.
Before I begin with the critique, I noticed you're a new member and thought I'd point out some rules that you may not have been aware of.

1/ New members are asked to review two works before posting any of their own. Since you've posted two of your own works, you have to write four reviews . After you do this, you may post as many things as you like, but that 2:1 ratio is asked to be kept.

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Okay... now onto the review.

I dreamt that I was in Andrea's house insert comma here but it was empty.

There was nothing to be seen and the only thing to be heard was the [s]deafaning [/s] deafening sound of silence.

It was darker than darkness itself insert comma here and every corner I turned looked exactly the same.

I began to [s]panick[/s] panic

I didn't know what I was searching for and whatever I was searching for it was pointless

That's where the strange part happened.

I would run past a door and turn back around because inside that door there was life.

There was a pale blue bed at one end of the room, matching a [s]plae [/s] pale blue sofa.

These questions were like my dream, they got me searching, searching for the [s]awnser [/s] answer to nothing.

For some reason I wanted to cry insert comma here but I couldn't insert comma here so I just stared at nothing and thought about nothing.

The girl was sad.

I'm assuming this isn't intended to be the beginning of the story? If it is, then I have to say it is a bit confusing - who are Andrea and Sapphire? Who is narrating? When was this? Having said that, you could use this confusion as a way of leading the reader on, as they may continue to read the story just so they can find out more about what is going on. But, as I said earlier, I'm assuming that this is not the beginning of the story.

There were a few minor spelling errors, such as "panick", "awnser" and "peacfull".

I can't really comment on much else, as I don't really understand what this story is about, and I'm not very good with technical stuff. But the description of the dream was suitably long and vivid, and you engaged my interest throughout.