I don't think I noticed in the last part that this is being told in diary format. I like unique formats! I also like the voice of the MC. I think he sounds his age and he seems like a good kid. I'd love to know though how he's be able to "rise above" so to speak his situation and want more for himself than what he was able to get in his neighborhood. A lot of people in that situation fall into gangs or drugs or end up dead or in jail. How has he escaped that? Did he have a mentor? I know that the police officer is helping him out of that situation, but mentally he already had to be ready to leave and accept that offer of help, which not everyone would be.
I'm also curious about that offer that is extended. Living in a neighborhood like Skid Row, I would assume that most people don't trust or hate the police. A police officer is offering to help him and is giving him a place to stay. Why does he automatically trust that? Is he skeptical or nervous at all?
He also accepts the offer pretty quickly. I'd love to see some of his internal though process about how he makes that decision. What does he think will happen if he accepts? What does he think will happen if he doesn't accept? Why is this decision important to him? What are the consequences for accepting (will he miss anyone, will anyone miss him, etc)? What are the consequences for not accepting?
I'd also love to know more about his internal thoughts and feelings once he arrives at the new house, meets the new family, and starts to assimilate into their life. We have some info-dumps about that towards the end, but I'd like to see it more woven in throughout. I would assume he feels like a fish out of water because this is so outside of what he's used to. I want to feel more of that and see more of that woven in.
I'm curious to see how this story progresses and I hope to find more of it in the green room someday soon! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention!
I love it. I love the way you were able to describe the scenes and for a author like me that is sometimes hard but I love how you did it. You made me on the edge of my seat and I want more. I really believe this book can go places. Don't stop what you are doing because your great at it. Good job and keep up the great work.
Thanks. I just changed the date of Entry 5 to November 29th.
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Hello again!
I don't think I noticed in the last part that this is being told in diary format. I like unique formats! I also like the voice of the MC. I think he sounds his age and he seems like a good kid. I'd love to know though how he's be able to "rise above" so to speak his situation and want more for himself than what he was able to get in his neighborhood. A lot of people in that situation fall into gangs or drugs or end up dead or in jail. How has he escaped that? Did he have a mentor? I know that the police officer is helping him out of that situation, but mentally he already had to be ready to leave and accept that offer of help, which not everyone would be.
I'm also curious about that offer that is extended. Living in a neighborhood like Skid Row, I would assume that most people don't trust or hate the police. A police officer is offering to help him and is giving him a place to stay. Why does he automatically trust that? Is he skeptical or nervous at all?
He also accepts the offer pretty quickly. I'd love to see some of his internal though process about how he makes that decision. What does he think will happen if he accepts? What does he think will happen if he doesn't accept? Why is this decision important to him? What are the consequences for accepting (will he miss anyone, will anyone miss him, etc)? What are the consequences for not accepting?
I'd also love to know more about his internal thoughts and feelings once he arrives at the new house, meets the new family, and starts to assimilate into their life. We have some info-dumps about that towards the end, but I'd like to see it more woven in throughout. I would assume he feels like a fish out of water because this is so outside of what he's used to. I want to feel more of that and see more of that woven in.
I'm curious to see how this story progresses and I hope to find more of it in the green room someday soon! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention!
Thank you so much for the feedback!
I love it. I love the way you were able to describe the scenes and for a author like me that is sometimes hard but I love how you did it. You made me on the edge of my seat and I want more. I really believe this book can go places. Don't stop what you are doing because your great at it. Good job and keep up the great work.
Thank you very much for your supportive words! I am definitely going to continue with this book.
Wait so did you like read the whole thing already? Dang...
Please like and share my work if you want so it can gain more exposure on the site.
I will np
Thanks. I just changed the date of Entry 5 to November 29th.