Me again! Good to get back into the swing of things now that the holidays are over. I'll keep R&Ring!
Sasha Rosakos was an athletic, good-natured woman. She was thirty-two, single, had her own apartment, was very independent, and didn’t take crap from anyone. She was strong-willed and strong of body, strong of mind and brain. She was staunch in her opinions, and never wavered from her beliefs.
This is like- the woman I want to be. Man, she sounds badass.
She was summoned to appear at the Inner London Crown Court for jury duty in the trial of Georg Adolf Krause.
I'm going to guess this is the child predator- ?
Why me? thought she when she received the legal letter. She knew she had no excuse to escape it. After taking a morning jog and picking up her mail, she prepared herself for the court appointment an hour from then.
LND: I would Italicize 'Why me?"
Georg Adolf Krause - what an ominous name. It almost sounds guilty, though that may just stem from stereotypes around the name Adolf. World War II is still fresh in some people’s minds.
Once again- you have a wonderful grasp on the way people think. I thought nearly the same thing when I heard his name first.
She liked to talk to herself. She was her own best friend, she determined, after losing so many. She had been an outcast when she was young, judged for her thoughtful character. She had found solace within herself, her soul and mind.
I don't know if it's just this chapter, but somehow I find myself really strongly relating to this character.
It’s like a waterfall was placed above my head, or something like that, she mused. Or like a great big shower-head held by some unknown force. If I was religious, I might say that it was held by God’s hand, but since I am not I would say it was being held by the Universe or the Cause or something like that. Or something like that. Or something like that…
I think that saying twice that she is not religious becomes a little unnecessary. You already told the readers "*If* I was religious" which confirms that she is not, but then you said "But since I am not". It just sounds a bit clumsy.
And yes, she knew she had exercised for so much more than just those steps. She had exercised to help all areas of her daily life, even her mental and emotional strength.
I don't know why I like this sentence so much. I think that somehow, it holds a lot of power by saying "She had exercised for so much more than those steps".
All twelve of them filed out into the courtroom. On his high pedestal sat the judge in his robe and wig, and around them several other important people. Two podiums faced the judge’s seat, and behind them was a bent, crooked man with a newly-scarred face, sitting at a grey table next to a suited man, a lawyer. The man with the bow in his back and scars on his face was wearing prisoner garb, and he had a menacing scowl on his face. This was Georg Adolf Krause.
I think this description is quite good apart from the collective cliche-ness of it all. I try to skirt around cliches and overly common tropes in my books to give my readers a little something fresh. And there's nothing wrong with cliches, of course! Some of my favorite movies and books are really, really typical plots- but then again, my absolute favorite movie and my absolute favorite book are super original plots.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the Crown Court - here begins the trial of the man named Georg Adolf Krause, the defendant, charged with crimes of Attempted Assault with Intent to Molest, as well as Forgery of Legal and Residential Documentation and History. The jury are sworn in and prepared to establish a verdict at the conclusion of the prosecution and defense case. Please remember that no one is to attempt personal contact with any key witnesses or knowledgeable persons before, during, or after this trial in an effort to gain more information to better determine a verdict if the presented information is unclear. If any key information to the conclusion of the verdict by the jury is unclear and/or inconclusive, the jury may ask privately for more information if information is needed. Now, without further ado, the prosecution may open its case.”
Can I just appreciate for a second how much research you've put into the whole courtroom logistics! This is a pretty accurate portrayal of what goes on in a courtroom
Well, so far so good! I promise to keep reviewing more now. Keep writing!
Thank you for the review! I spent hours and hours and days doing research on what happens in a British Crown Court. The titles of the charges, however, are completely made up. I don't know what they would actually be called.
Okay!!!! First I must say, you have me HOOKED!!!!! I can't stop reading!!!! Please post chapter nine!!! You can't leave it like this!!! Your writing is full of character, spunk, and heart. I wish I was as creative and thoughtful with my writing as you are!!! The more I read about Raffie, the more I want to read about him!!! Again, you are SO full of heart!!!! This is wonderful, and amazing, and I can't wait to read chapter nine! Great job!!! Happy writings to you!!!! See ya around!!! Have a great day!
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Me again! Good to get back into the swing of things now that the holidays are over. I'll keep R&Ring!
Sasha Rosakos was an athletic, good-natured woman. She was thirty-two, single, had her own
apartment, was very independent, and didn’t take crap from anyone. She was strong-willed and strong of body, strong of mind and brain. She was staunch in her opinions, and never wavered from her beliefs.
This is like- the woman I want to be. Man, she sounds badass.
She was summoned to appear at the Inner London Crown Court for jury duty in the trial of Georg Adolf Krause.
I'm going to guess this is the child predator- ?
Why me? thought she when she received the legal letter. She knew she had no excuse to escape it. After taking a morning jog and picking up her mail, she prepared herself for the court appointment an hour from then.
LND: I would Italicize 'Why me?"
Georg Adolf Krause - what an ominous name. It almost sounds guilty, though that may just stem from stereotypes around the name Adolf. World War II is still fresh in some people’s minds.
Once again- you have a wonderful grasp on the way people think. I thought nearly the same thing when I heard his name first.
She liked to talk to herself. She was her own best friend, she determined, after losing so many. She had been an outcast when she was young, judged for her thoughtful character. She had found solace within herself, her soul and mind.
I don't know if it's just this chapter, but somehow I find myself really strongly relating to this character.
It’s like a waterfall was placed above my head, or something like that, she mused. Or like a great big shower-head held by some unknown force. If I was religious, I might say that it was held by God’s hand, but since I am not I would say it was being held by the Universe or the Cause or something like that. Or something like that. Or something like that…
I think that saying twice that she is not religious becomes a little unnecessary. You already told the readers "*If* I was religious" which confirms that she is not, but then you said "But since I am not". It just sounds a bit clumsy.
And yes, she knew she had exercised for so much more than just those steps. She had exercised to help all areas of her daily life, even her mental and emotional strength.
I don't know why I like this sentence so much. I think that somehow, it holds a lot of power by saying "She had exercised for so much more than those steps".
All twelve of them filed out into the courtroom. On his high pedestal sat the judge in his robe and wig, and around them several other important people. Two podiums faced the judge’s seat, and behind them was a bent, crooked man with a newly-scarred face, sitting at a grey table next to a suited man, a lawyer. The man with the bow in his back and scars on his face was wearing prisoner garb, and he had a menacing scowl on his face. This was Georg Adolf Krause.
I think this description is quite good apart from the collective cliche-ness of it all. I try to skirt around cliches and overly common tropes in my books to give my readers a little something fresh. And there's nothing wrong with cliches, of course! Some of my favorite movies and books are really, really typical plots- but then again, my absolute favorite movie and my absolute favorite book are super original plots.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the Crown Court - here begins the trial of the man named Georg Adolf Krause, the defendant, charged with crimes of Attempted Assault with Intent to Molest, as well as Forgery of Legal and Residential Documentation and History. The jury are sworn in and prepared to establish a verdict at the conclusion of the prosecution and defense case. Please remember that no one is to attempt personal contact with any key witnesses or knowledgeable persons before, during, or after this trial in an effort to gain more information to better determine a verdict if the presented information is unclear. If any key information to the conclusion of the verdict by the jury is unclear and/or inconclusive, the jury may ask privately for more information if information is needed. Now, without further ado, the prosecution may open its case.”
Can I just appreciate for a second how much research you've put into the whole courtroom logistics! This is a pretty accurate portrayal of what goes on in a courtroom
Well, so far so good! I promise to keep reviewing more now.
Keep writing!
-Juliet
Thank you for the review! I spent hours and hours and days doing research on what happens in a British Crown Court. The titles of the charges, however, are completely made up. I don't know what they would actually be called.
Cool! I kind of guessed as much. My family is kind of in the legal business, so I have a bit of knowledge on the subject.
Okay!!!! First I must say, you have me HOOKED!!!!! I can't stop reading!!!! Please post chapter nine!!! You can't leave it like this!!! Your writing is full of character, spunk, and heart. I wish I was as creative and thoughtful with my writing as you are!!! The more I read about Raffie, the more I want to read about him!!! Again, you are SO full of heart!!!! This is wonderful, and amazing, and I can't wait to read chapter nine! Great job!!! Happy writings to you!!!! See ya around!!! Have a great day!