Remain

Hello,

I really love the lyrics of this song! If it was made into an actual song, I'm sure I would love to listen to it. It's well-written, the imagery was fantastic and each line flowed smoothly to the next. The way you wrote and repeated certain lines, I think this shows the message really clearly of striving to move forward even with so many hardships. The title fits in perfectly with this as well. There's also a touch of motivation in this where the character tells you to stay strong... this is all just so powerful.

I didn't find anything wrong with this... just thought I'd say again how great this is.

Well done!

Hello!

I really liked this reading through it. It's a shame I can't hear it with music. When it comes to lyrics, the music is half the piece. It makes sense of the decisions made in the rhythm of the text. But the lyrics themselves were really well done!

The opening stanza was awesome. I really love how you tied together hell and getting scorched. Really good choice of words there.

The second stanza is also really nice, though the last line of it "I know there's nothing left to fear" seemed contradictory to a previous line saying there's still so much to learn. No where does it explain why there's nothing left to fear, only to stay strong and keep on pushing forward despite everything you might go through.

The third stanza was really neat, at least I hope I read it in the direction you were thinking. You bring us back to the fire, and then have this illusion of waves, yet you never specify water! So I like to think of it as waves of fire, which is just as terrifying. This visual combined with the "God bless the waves" line gave me shivers. Unfortunately, I don't really understand the phrase "training mind" except that it might be a way to explain how there's still room to grow and learn, but it sounds kind of weak. I feel like there's a better word than 'training'.

Really, really like the fourth stanza. Especially the line "a light that lights the distance that lies between you and me". LOVE the wording. So good.

The imagery in stanza five is really, really interesting to me. It's such a vivid picture of those scorching deserts, but then BOOM the sand is cold. Sand is normally hot, and that would fit with the whole fire/hell/burning theme you've hung onto this whole time. I want to like that line, the contrast between warm air and cold dirt, but I don't really follow it as it doesn't seem to fit your message. Maybe it's going over my head though.

The visuals in stanza six are just incredible. I just absolutely love this. Though "still as stone" promptly followed by "walk the long and hardened road" sounded kinda funny to me!

The rest of the song really closes it out well. It's a great message that fits the image before it of traveling the road despite all the obstacles and hardships the speaker had to endure. It's wonderful! I think this is a fantastic piece here and I hope your friend likes it too.

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Hello!

Its really good!

I really love it, its very touching, and the emotion just comes out of it in multiple colors.
The thing really flows, and the choice of wording is very well put in.

I really got into it while reading, everything about this seems to be great. The structure, words, grammar, ect.

You did an excellent job!

Keep up the good work!

Have a nice rest of your day!

Sincerely Anma