The Silver Cross Chapter Six; Requiem to a Memory: The Hearse

Hey Amadeus,

Shady back with another review towards rescuing another one of your chapters from the Green Room! I'm really excited to see another Raffie chapter! After the cliffhanger you left off on with chapter 4 I'm looking forward to seeing how Derek's death affects the relationships going on around Raffie now. Let's jump right on in...

Derek’s death meant only something to his mother and father, and no one else. No one else really cared - they pretended to care but never meant a word of what they spoke.

Hmm. Unless this is a quirk of your plot of the McCollins family just being unlikable twats with no real friends -- then I strongly disagree with you here. Are there any aunts or uncles involved? Grandparents? Cousins? I can assure you that my heart would be ripped out if my niece or nephew died, just like one of my own child.

That virtue being innocence.

How in the world could that little jerk be classified as innocent? He was a bully in ever sense of the word and a terror to boot.

“Hi Mrs. McCollins,” said he.

She looked up for a moment with weary, dead eyes. “Hello, Raphael.”

“Do you know where Brent is at?”

Why does he call her Mrs. McCollins but call the dad by his first name? Seems like a bit of a discrepancy...

Brent had found it, and now was on a rampage!

Why does Brent have access to this? It's not like this is something that gets published to Google. I guess he would request a copy of the report from his son's death -- but police reports are confidential and so he shouldn't have access to the Cortez one. Besides, why would he even think to request it? It seems like an entirely random and too-convenient way to have him explode on Raffie for no apparent reason.

They were so adamant upon what that day stood for, and rightfully so, that they in the end won against Raffie, and he could do nothing but be forced to travel with them.

What else would they do? Leave a seven year old little boy that they know next to nothing about by himself alone in the house?

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Okay! Another good chapter!

I don't really understand Brent's explosion in the basement with Raffie or how he had access to all the police reports (or even knew what happened to Raffie's family). It is a jerk-face move to bring up something so traumatizing to a little kid just because you're hurting yourself, but that seems to be Brent's character, so good job there making me kind of hate him.

I feel so bad for this poor kid. Not only does he have a rotten foster family -- but now he's got traumatized foster parents. I think realistically he would probably be removed from their custody in this sort of a situation -- but I know that that probably will mess with your plot so I won't complain about that too much haha.

Overall this was nice advancement. We can see the marital tension growing between the couple. The hostility towards Raffie. Well done!

Keep writing!

~Shady