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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hi! This is zami here for a rusty review on your piece! It's been a while since I've reviewed a lyrical song, and in general, so please bear with me, haha.
I love this song - it perfectly portrays how people who fall in love with the same gender feel. Of course, it's just like when a straight person falls in love, with the added social discourse that follows homosexual couples wherever they go. Sorry, I don't know how to describe it, haha. I'm sure that you get what I mean.
Some of the stanzas don't really rhyme, which is confusing considering that this is a song? Then again, Pearl Jam wrote Black, which doesn't rhyme at all, so it isn't really a problem.
I actually don't have any criticism for this. I'm not that great at reviewing lyrics anyway, so I'm sorry that I'm not helpful.
Tschuss!
~~Kara
Hi!
My name is M, and I'm honestly here to obsess over how great a writer you are. Let's get started!
I've never read anything like this before, really. The feelings were so powerful, so potent. The story was touching and heartbreaking. Don't even get me started on the ATMOSPHERE! Dark bars, shattered glass, wooden floors. Everything was just so meticulously and well put together. You described everything perfectly! I feel for this man, I really do, and I've experienced nothing as he has. So making me feel like that posed a challenge, and you tackled it head-on and succeeded. Very well done!
I really don't have any contributions to make to this piece since you did so phenomenally on your own. Seriously, dude. Fantastic job!
I can't wait to read more of your art!
-M
Thank you so much!
Yes, this is a lot darker. The flow is better and I really like it. Good job! I hope this makes it to the spotlight and I'm sorry this isn't longer! But I enjoyed it more than the other one.
Keep up writing songs...
-JadeLotus