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the angel

by Queenie


wings flutter, a vision of serenity

as she drifts within the worn-out, weathered sky

wings flutter, a vision of serenity

~

bleeding streaks of cerulean with each sigh

swollen, sorrowful eyes seeping suppressed tears

as she drifts within the worn-out, weathered sky

~

aiding somber souls, alleviating fears

masking her pain to help someone recover

swollen, sorrowful eyes seeping suppressed tears

~

at heart, missing desperately her dear lover

loses a feather to soothe the flustered sea

masking her pain to help someone recover

~

lulls others’ tensions as worries are set free

abnegation: the demon of her demise

loses a feather to soothe the flustered sea

~

pent-up feelings, a boat about to capsize

wings flutter, a vision of serenity

abnegation: the demon of her demise

wings flutter, a vision of serenity 


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24 Reviews


Points: 45
Reviews: 24

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Thu May 14, 2020 8:56 am
DeliriumNervosa wrote a review...



Hi Queenie,
Delirium Nervosa here to leave a review on your work.
I was completely enraptured when reading your poem! The way you have intertwined the stanzas and continued rhythm and rhyme scheme was highly commendable! I personally resonated strongly with this poem and I loved how you used repetition to reinforce the intensity and weight associated with an angels tears.

I have nothing but praise for this amazing piece of poetry! I really loved reading this and couldn't stop! The vocabulary is perfectly matched to the topic and the intimate yet important concept you have written about.

Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

-Delirium Nervosa




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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556 Reviews


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Reviews: 556

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Fri May 08, 2020 9:27 pm
Tenyo wrote a review...



Hi Queenie!

I love the format of this. The repitition and the rhyming scheme that crosses through the stanzas is intricate and feels like it would have taken a long time to put together.

I found the content a bit hard to understand. The descriptions are pretty and the vocabulary is so fitting for the theme... I think I would have liked something a bit more solid to hold onto. The only image I could really get was that of feathers and teardrops falling into the sea. It would be nice to have a few other sensory aspects to it or some stronger visuals.

It's a very pretty poem =]




Queenie says...


Thanks for the review!



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39 Reviews


Points: 2934
Reviews: 39

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Fri May 08, 2020 7:28 am
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Katteex wrote a review...



I would like to commend you. This poem was stylistic and filled with effort. Every line has 11 syllables in total, plus the use of a creative pattern: ababcbcdcdedefefgfg. It seemed that you're trying to pass down not only the rhyme in these lines but also the line itself (specifically the middle line becoming the last line of the next stanza).

In my opinion, the fact that the last line was the same line at the beginning of the poem emphasized that it's some sort of mantra or chant this angel seems to repeat to herself over and over so that she could get through the baggage of her duty.

Also, I'm not sure if this is what you're trying to say, but you passed down lines like it was a falling feather -- her despair and longing for serenity -- and going back to the start means that this angel's feathers will continue to shed until this serenity she envisions becomes a reality.

And the way you passed down the rhyme scheme represented her suppressed feeling trailing and haunting her. Even the fall of a single feather (lines passing down) leaves traces of that heavy emotion. Moreover, (yes I have a lot of things to say because this has different layers in it and I'd love to uncover that) I can find that the rhyme scheme and the passed down line are all situated, consistently, on the last two out of three lines in the stanza. It somehow insinuates weight. Speaking of baggage from paragraphs prior to this, everything she's been feeling is some sort of heavy baggage that pulls her down. The gravity of this baggage caused the shedding of her feathers. And unless she face these feelings, it will continue to pull her down.

I'm not sure if this is what you intended to show in your poem, but the fact that I was able to come up with this kind of interpretation made this poem really amazing! There's so many things going on (in a good and coherent way) that many can interpret it differently, which is the reason why poetry is enchanting. Such little collections of words could create lots of meaning and stories depending on the person and you've justly depicted that :)

I hope I explained my interpretation of your poem clearly and I'm looking forward to more of your writing! Truly!

I would only like to address some minor errors such as the wrong use of the word "quells" in the line

quells others’ tensions as worries are set free


Quell is to forcibly suppress someone. I think what you're trying to say is that she tries to ease other people's tension and worries because she's a selfless angel that prioritizes other people's happiness.

Next would be in the line
abnegation the demon of her demise


You're trying to use abnegation as a proper noun. However, it seems like the style for the whole poem wouldn't match if you capitalize the letter "a" so I think italicizing it or using a colon ( : ), could at least indicate that it is a proper noun.

Lastly, in the line

fixing forsaken flowers, easing their fears


The word "flowers" is out of place in the setting of the poem (she's in the sky) I suggest changing it to perhaps clouds? Though it's still up to you haha. Just a suggestion.

Again, your poem is beautiful! It took me a long time to analyze this which is what I love about poems. Keep writing :) and Do inform me if you have new works, I would gladly read them!




Queenie says...


Thank you so much for the thoughtful review, and yes your interpretation was correct.




We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer