Shatter Me

Still stand tall after the hurt that has pierced your soul but hasn’t stopped it.The thorns that prick your eyes but don’t cloud your vision.You might have been broken but you will rise from the cracks anew.The poison of the plants only amplify to your heart how wrong this was.Nothing can shatter you.Not a thing.I hope that you will have lovely and fantastic day and night.Goodbye for now.

Hello, Queenie. Steam1244 here to give you a review! I must say that I loved your poem. I've noticed 2 things though. For example, why are the stanzas on different sides of the page? I found myself trying to figure out what to read next, and you know, just hope it is right. Another one is, dull words. I wish you would describe the words, but not use repetition.

I'm sorry that I came off rather harsh, but i'm trying to give you my honest opinion. Yes, I know, not everything can be perfect, nor should it be. But, I really do love the meaning of your poem. I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!

Keep Writing,
Miranda

Howdy-

This piece is VERY good. It's one of the best poems that I've seen on here thus far. It's emotional. Your writing kind of reminds me of Ellen Hopkins and Emma Lazarus. Really good.

But I have a few things. Number one, have you heard of Tehereh Mafi? She wrote the book "Shatter Me". The title reminded me of it, and I just wondered if you knew that that was a title of a book that got a honorable mention at the Arab American Book Awards.

The second thing. Why does "the girl in the mirror" appear a "melancholy shade of red"? I thought that melancholy colors were blue and dark purple, not red.

The third and final thing, where did the second rose come from? Did it appear out of nowhere or something? Did aliens teleport it from their home planet of Skaro?

I'm PROBABLY not the best at reviewing this (I'm not that good with poetry) but I wanted to review this because it was so good.

Hope this helped!--

Kara

Hello.

Definitely more emotional than the last poem. Still caught up a bit in A Poem, but better than it was.

I like how you touched on hope, here, everything coming full circle and a beautiful determined spirit with the rose. It reminded me vaguely of Beauty and the Beast but with a more positive twist.

One thing here was I thought it was going to be about distorted body image, between the mirror imagery and the abuse hinted at here and there. I didn't really pick up on that, where I don't feel things got quite dark enough to really take us full circle.

The thing about darkness in poems is that it needs to have notes of personality to get depth to it. Right now, the dark/hard parts of this poem are built up around generic imagery of being picked apart, bruises, etc. The framing device of the rose is relatively unique, but the mirror is a little trite.

Basically, I would love to see more vulnerability from this piece. Something in the shadows and discussing the abuse that dives in deep enough we get a concrete moment of pain, instead of everything framed out in metaphor.

The rose, however, is beautiful. Definitely keep that.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

oh...lord... did you legit just write that? Like wow. I can relate totally to this by so much! Your words are a tad overused like a previous reviewer had said, but that doesn't lessen the strength of the poem at all. This touched my heart because something with a guy happened like this and it hurt, but I didn't let it break me. You send out a message of light and hope saying there is always a new beginning after a tough situation like that. I loved how you did the mirror thing. That was a perfect reflection of how things are. Beautifully done, Darling. Love you!

Heya, Queenie! Lupa here for a review! Let's start...

1) Throughout this entire poem, your adjectives are slightly cliche / overused. You use words like lovely, pretty, beautiful, etc. I understand you want to have some description, but don't use outdated adjectives to serve your purpose. Describe how the petals look--for example, the exact shade of red it is (ruby, garnet...).

2) I don't exactly get why the stanzas are on different sides of the page. Are they there for any purpose? If not, putting them all on one side helps amend the flow.

I'm sorry I can't help you anymore, but I hope what I said helped! The last stanza especially stood out to me, as it represented the girl getting someone new. I love the idea of the poem, actually.

I hope to see more of your writing soon. Welcome to YWS and keep writing!

XOX,
Lupa22

Hey, Queenie! It's ScytheMeister here for another quick review

Gosh, this was definitely emotional. I'm deciding whether to say I hated it for reducing me to tears or saying I love it for doing the same thing. It was beautiful! You truly captured the girl's emotions and the way you expressed them was breathtaking.

The symbolism of the rose was spectacular; you showed her losing her 'life' essentially, just like a rose. The boy, I believe, resembled death taking life from the rose, which is why I loved this line "As I let him pick me apart piece by piece."

I love the layout its in, it fits the style of the poem. I hope to read more work like this!

Keep Writing! <3

- ScytheMeister

So I loved this, good job. I loved the repetition in it and the use of roses and just the way you described things in general. I loved the whole meaning of it and moving on and the ending that even though she was hurt in the end she found the strength to realize she shouldn't be shattered very motivational. I also lve the format it's in. I so hope to see more from you great job keep writing.