lured into his labyrinth of lies
enchanted by his rehearsed string of lines
desperately willing his love to arise
~
heart throbbing as time with him swiftly flies
she dreads a life that solitude designs
lured into his labyrinth of lies
~
clinging to the soft shimmer in his eyes
she bears blows while her skin’s mottled with signs
desperately willing his love to arise
~
hypnotized by his toxic lullabies
shattered soul sewn shut with venomous vines
lured into his labyrinth of lies
~
blinded by his immaculate disguise
her self-esteem incessantly declines
desperately willing his love to arise
~
heart hollow as her dream flickers and dies
she knows she’ll never survive his confines
lured into his labyrinth of lies
desperately willing his love to arise
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This is truly a fantastic poem.
You have captured all dimensions of a toxic relationship fantastically here. I love the use of your language and imagery - it really allows you to visualise how deep and scarring that a situation like that can be, and how the victim is lured into lies, thinking that they're in love. My favourite stanza is the last one, "heart hollow as her dream flickers and dies", as you really hammer home the emotional impact that thinking that someone loves you who doesn't, can have upon someones heart, and how them waiting, will just cause the scarring to get deeper and deeper.
Keep writing
Sunlightwarriorxo
Thanks for the review!
This poem really conveys most elements of a toxic relationship( I haven't been in one, but I can recognize it)...I really appreciate how you have maintained a single rhyming scheme throughout the poem and rhymed with only 1 word.......the title itself is catchy........Even though I haven't been in a relationship, you made me imagine this, and a true poem is the one which makes you wonder......your vocabulary is excellent........and again, as I said, it I'd difficult to find so many rhyming words with one word.........my favorite lines were
"Desperately willing for his live to arise"
"Shattered souls seen shut with venomous vines" (nice alliteration btw)
"She bears blows while her skin's mottled with signs"( another alliteration)
"Her self esteem incessantly declines"
Congratulations for this amazing poem
Thanks for the review!
First of all great poem Queenie.
The poem clearly brings to limelight the struggles of a toxic relationship in which you are the only one willing to keep things working and giving all the love of the world while getting none in return.
I would rather jump to the interpretation part, which I believe you referred to in your description.
The context of the poem kind of stands out for me as the relationship we humans share with religion. We start believing in it with the hope of being deliver from the clutches of evil , never realizing that its actually the one opening the gates to it. What lies ahead is a sea filled with ignorance, false hopes , and discrimination and the mighty waves of religious leaders who are going to wipe away all the sanity of our mind while they splash with their all their vigor on our human minds turning us into zombies crying out for help to someone imaginary and believing that we ourselves are incapable of achieving unimaginable feats.
However really great choice of words. Heard them echoing within me while reading your poem( although I have never really been in a romantic relationship).
I know this is not really a review but am gonna make it look as one for some points.#honesty
Lots of love,
Crazystar
Thanks for the review!
A sad poem with a sinister background. You don't really have to read between the lines to see how much someone struggles for love and at the same time gets hurt the closer one gets. You can clearly see how the person is playing with the other and just taking advantage of them.
You have a very good way with words. The title is also very appropriate. It is very difficult to get out of such a relationship.
Thanks for the review!
Hello there!
I haven't read many of your works yet, but I love your word choice!
You paint a vivid picture and draw me into this fairytale world, but there's obviously a dark side to your writing:
The poem focuses itself through the eyes of someone clearly victimized by this "immaculate disguise", and helps me to empathize with the main character. The pauses between each line also give the impression of breathlessness and adds weight to the lines so that I'm constantly going back and reflecting on what you said before I move on to the next line. This also works really well with the villanelle format because your first line usually references the toxic person in the relationship while the second line focuses on the victim, and then it is all tied together with the repeated lines at the end.
I have a few suggestions to clear up your lines:
Here I would say "she dreads a life that solitude designs"
I go the feeling that she is afraid of being alone, so it was solitude designing her life that she feared, not "solitude designs". You could also try "solitary designs".
Here i didn't like the use of "arise", mostly because arise is used in context as "stand up". At first I wanted to just cut it to "rise", but I preferred the flow of the poem before and "rise" generally has a lot more positive connotations than your poem is already using. I'm not sure if you meant "arise" as emerge or revive, because those both have very different meanings, but I would definitely suggest trying a word with a more specific meaning so the story becomes clearer. I hope this makes sense
Altogether your poem is very aesthetic and well-written! Good luck writing I hope the main character has a happy ending!
Thank you so much for the review and I really appreciate the suggestions!