Young Writers Society

This person has many dreams that have become unreachable.They flicker in the darkness of night but are determined to stay bright.Determined to dance in the shadows and make the most of things.Ill desire but red-hot desire no less.Desire overtaking any other emotion.The desire to shine and stay alive no matter what.Clawing through the walls of life.I hope that you will have a fun and cool day and night.

Hi there!

So this is a short poem that seems to be describing a literal dream, but it has a haunting sound and some nice imagery that ties in together. I particularly like "balanced like flame and water," which seems to match "a fragile silhouette in the distance" - I picture a figure silhouetted against the horizon across a vast body of water.

The first thing I noticed while reading this was holy mother of commas, Batman! You have a comma after every single line, which is unnecessary. There's not a lot I comment on with poetry in terms of punctuation - people might choose to use less than usual for stylistic reasons - but consider these commas if this was written as a paragraph instead of a poem.

a person, flooded with ill desire, and borrowed trouble, balanced like flame and water, stands as a fragile silhouette in the distance, around the cloudy horizon, in the dream of night.

a person,
flooded with ill desire
and borrowed trouble,
balanced like flame and water,
stands as a fragile silhouette in the distance,
around the cloudy horizon
in the dream of night.

Hey, @Queenie 1st off this is great short poetry and a great message in my experience with poetry sometimes short is better than long. I like how you put it together and message for people with guilt and ill thoughts of the person. I would like to know what inspired you to make this story. next, your spelling is good nothing miss spelled and grammar is fine. I hope to see more story like this from you in the future.
sincerely @captainearth

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said

That certainly is a macabre scenario you are describing there. Fortunately it is merely a dream.

Nevertheless such dreams can certainly leave the dreamer spooked and wondering whee the heck it came from and whether it has and meaning. After all, the brain is capable f creating such dream experiences based on our personal life, the moods we are in, the worries and fears we might be entertaining and turn them into symbols. So looking for meaning isn't unscientific a t all.

In this particular dream we have a mysterious figure outlined against a foggy horizon. He or she is described as resembling both fire and water and being full of ill desire. What that desire is we aren't told. It can be the desire for revenge, for escape, for sex, for unearned wealth, for derived from the suffering or death of others, etc.

He is also said to be harboring borrowed trouble. That expression is enigmatic. How does one borrow trouble? By meddling in things that are none of our business? The horizon being cloudy and the person fragile might be understood a conveying an uncertainty for the future. In short the poem is full of unanswered questions. Nevertheless it provides an interesting reading experience and does engender an emotional response from the reader due to its foreboding imagery.
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Looking forward to reading more of your work