(If read forward it is from the perspective of the victim, if read backwards it is from the perspective of the murderer.)
Darkness falling covering the street
Walking towards the bustle of people
Laughing into the night
With strangers of a drunken lore
Feeling the shiver of someone watching
Stepping away to get some space
Hearing the deathly crunch of leaves
Looking up to see someone whose face I remember well
Blood seeping down like a rushing stream
As the knife was plunging into place
Still hearing the people laughing
As if adding an angel to heaven was nothing
The night continuing on
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I’ve never read something like this before.Where the same sentences tell two different stories.I first read it beginning to end for the victim and then end to beginning for the murderer.Did I read them right? I want to be sure.Anyway,I really loved the note of darkness in the poem.So ominous,forboding,beautiful and lonely all at once.I hope that you will have an amazing day and night.
Hello, Queenie! Gxldencrxwns here for a review!
Before I say anything else, wow, amazing! I love the concept. I wonder how long it took for you to come up with lines that tell two different stories. That's amazing, stellar job! Now for the actual review--
When the killer's story is being read, everything above "Looking up to see someone whose face I remember well" sounds weird. I mean, if the killer heard the crunching of leaves, was it the victim hitting the ground? Why did they shiver? If someone was watching, wouldn't they try to stop him/her? But I do like how the after the killer murders his/her victim, he/she walks into the crowd where the victim was, attempting to blend it like he/she had been there the whole time. I like that, sounds mysterious and scary. *Ghost noises*
I don't really have much else to point out. I didn't see any mistakes, good job on that part. This is one of the better poems I've read in a while, probably because I like this kind of stuff.
Keep writing!
~gxldencrxwns
Thanks for the review!
Amazing poem! I love how you did that. I really don't have much to say.
. That was all, Sorry I don't have anything else. Amazing poem!
"With strangers of a drunken lore." That is my favorite line. Maybe because it reminds me of a line from Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven. Anyway, the one thing I have to say is that sometimes you make it sound like it's past tense, and then that it's present tense. It may just be me. Or did you want to make it sound like Present tense for the victim or Past tense for the murderer? Or Vis Versa.
Thanks for the review!
I love this whole concept! Well done!
Thanks!
Wow Queenie! This was a really good poem- really clever idea and concise sentences... you should do more of these!
-MP
Thanks!