As if under compulsion
Her head turns
Meeting his gaze
Eyes lock
Staring as if in a trance
Although a stranger
His alluring presence
Draws her in
The mystery
The connection
The attraction
But he looks away
Breaking her fantasy
Snapping back to reality
She blinks and blinks
Searching for him
Praying it wasn’t all a dream
But he’s gone
No trace in sight
She sighs
Disappointed
But not surprised
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Canary word: Present
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139,825 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
She loves him,yet she can’t have him.He doesn’t even know she exists.He’s only a fleeting stranger and then he leaves.If only they know each other,maybe then they love can be real.But that will never be.He’s only a dream.Him and her will never be true.I loved this poem.I think it’s great.I hope that you will have a beautiful day/night.
Hello there!
Such an angsty poem you got there (in a good way). For me, the poem should be more descriptive. You could add some metaphors, imagery, or idioms since the poem is a bit direct. Moreover, it really disturbed me when there was a lack of period and comma because It felt like the poem was just one sentence broken down into many lines. You should add some punctuations in your poem because it accentuates the emotions behind it. It tells us when to stop or pause for a while so we could indulge the meaning and possible allegory on the words written.
I like the emotions you are trying to portray though!
Cheers,
Kattee
I really enjoyed this poem. It was short and simple. I couldn't really relate to it that much, as I've never really experienced this, so take the following review with a grain of salt.
This is a bit of an opinion, but I felt the formatting was a bit off. I think it can work in some pieces, but in this one, the sentences felt broken up, and there wasn't really a flow to it. I think it's easier to notice when read aloud.
Other than that, I enjoyed the simplicity of the poem, and the small heartbreak at the end. I think this poem was executed very well, and look forward to reading more from you! Have a great day (or night, or dawn, or morning, etc)
Thanks for the review!
Hey Queenie!
Loved your poem. It's short and simple, yet so impressive and meaningful. There was a brief moment of emotional connection while reading your poem. At some point of time everyone of us had experience such a fleeting moment when we met a stranger and are so enthralled by their charm. It can be just infatuation. We really want to get close to them , get to to know them the but reality is often disappointing and we have to face that pain of separation knowing that it was just another wild imagination of ours.
I liked the structure of your poem and the flow was also just fine. Though I will like to point out a little mistake in the line-
I think it should be 'in sight' instead of 'insight'. These two have different meaning. I might be wrong, so pardon me.
Overall, I liked your poem very much. I had a good time reading it.
All the best for your future works.
Keep writing!
Thanks for the review!