Chapter Seven~
Of Tea-rs
Meanwhile, at the Meare, Malkolm was weighing the pros and cons of not being a
splattered mass of blood and bones on the ground. He supposed it could be
worse. His back stung, but he was alive. He had read the letter, but Kelm did
not look all too pleased about the matter. In fact, he looked absolutely terrifying,
even with his rumpled cloak and wild, knotted beard—which, Malkolm thought,
added to the intimidation even more than usual.
‘My letter,’ Kelm said, extending a hand. His nostrils flared. ‘It was an
incredibly low thing of you to do, Malkolm. Incredibly low. Why, Donovan said—’
‘I know,’ Malkolm hissed, ‘what he said.’ A beat. ‘I read the letter.’ His neck
was beginning to ache from craning it; Kelm’s expression was indistinguishable,
something between shock and fury, but he gripped Malkolm by the elbow and
pulled him to his feet.
‘I suppose I oughtn’t to be surprised,’ Kelm muttered, casting a disapproving
look at Malkolm, ‘but it is my letter and I would very much like to have it
back.’
Malkolm nodded. The letter was still crushed between his fingers and he held it
out to Kelm, but pulled his hand back almost at once. ‘Wait—I can’t give it to
you.’
Kelm raised an eyebrow. ‘And why not?’
‘Because—’ Malkolm hesitated. ‘Because you’re not going to Durthnõt. I am.’
Silence hung thick in the air as Kelm regarded Malkolm. It was a silence so
thick that Malkolm felt Kelm’s piercing gaze alone could cut through it, cut it
into thin slices and bind him from the ankles up with it. Silence, Malkolm
realised, was not a nice thing to experience. He was suddenly very aware of the
fact that he was—that they were—standing
on a square of magical energy some 7000 metres above the ground. The slab the
red house stood on was some way ahead of them, and Malkolm knew that Kelm could
cause the magic to vaporisefrom beneath him if he wanted to.
You can do magic, too, Malkolm, he
told himself, irritated. It was silly that he was having to remind himself of
this.
When Kelm still did not speak, Malkolm slid a layer of his own magic beneath
his feet. He said, ‘Have you had any luck with the girl?’
‘No,’ Kelm said shortly. ‘My magic can’t trace anything beyond the village
anymore.’
‘Why do you need to find her so badly?’ Malkolm asked. He stuffed the letter in
his pocket and cast a quick guarding spell around it, in case Kelm should
decide to summon it using the wind. Kelm looked at Malkolm, the rage in his
eyes even more evident than before. His arms hung stiffly around his tall
frame, and he looked down at Malkolm with utmost contempt.
‘She is my Meka’s niece. More than that—she is my friend’s niece, and I have known her ever since she was born. That
such a bright, young thing should be swallowed up by the mountains—it’s an
unthinkable, traitorous, terrible thought.’
Malkolm huffed.
‘But it’s just—it’s silly. The whole
village is so caught up in it. Besides,’ Malkolm leaned back in order to look
Kelm in the eye better, ‘there’s a possibility that she’s run off on her own
accord—that she doesn’t want to be
found. It’s a stupid thing to waste your time over.’
It also struck Malkolm as odd that they were having this conversation in
mid-air, but he chose not to comment on the fact. Instead, he continued, ‘Your
house hates me.’
‘It’s not a silly thing, Malkolm, and,’—Kelm
grinned wickedly—‘I know. My house generally dislikes people it doesn’t know.
Especially people who steal my property.’ He twirled a hand, green sparks
dancing along the length of his finger, and frowned when nothing happened. ‘A
guarding spell? Malkolm, I demand tha—’
‘I have a—I want to make a deal with you.’ Malkolm could feel the tips of his
hair turning pink again, and he wished he could somehow stop it. When an
Ixister-in-training, a Sreya, ascended to the Ixister class, he gained the
ability to have his emotions transfer into a physical trait. Malkolm’s had
been, unfortunately, that his hair would turn pink whenever he was nervous, or
stressed. And right now he was a mixture of both.
He ran a hand through said hair, tangling his fingers with it. Kelm stared at
him, his face impassive, then jerked his head his way in a gesture for him to
continue.
‘I can find Elborn Radagel’s niece for you,’ he said. ‘I have the power to do
so, now—I could see where you were before you were out the front door and
heading up the Mountain, so…’ He inhaled deeply. ‘I could show you where she’s
been, where she’s been the last couple of days, and I could ask the wind to follow her.’
‘I know what you can do, Malkolm.’ Kelm brushed the dust off his sleeves. ‘And
what do you wish for me to do in return?’ He looked at Malkolm questioningly,
and he could almost feel the heat radiating from his head as the pink traveled
up his scalp.
‘Let me take your place at King Trent’s court,’ Malkolm said simply. ‘I’m
certain I can heal the king.’
Kelm did not speak. With a wave of his hand, he simply conjured a staircase. It
fizzled as he walked on it—up and up, through the window. Malkolm hesitated
slightly, then followed him.
When the pot plants saw Kelm, they relaxed, and the ivy snaked its way around
them like an archway. Malkolm watched, disgruntled, as the plants crooned and
waved happily at Kelm. He grimaced at them, and promptly tripped over a root,
his chin hitting the carpet with a loud thump.
By the time he had gotten to his feet and brushed the dust off his cloak, Kelm
had rearranged the Writing Room to its original state. The carpet was still and
quiet, the furniture no longer rattled, and the papers were stacked neatly
beneath a tray of silver teacups.
Kelm was pouring tea into a large glass bowl. He looked at Malkolm severely. ‘Sit.’
A chair knocked into him from behind, nearly toppling him off his feet again.
Malkolm sat. He watched as Kelm stirred the tea, muttering short spells as he
did. Drops of hot liquid jumped up and made strange shapes: sometimes
elephants, at other times trees or indistinguishable blurry outlines of what
appeared to be (Malkolm straightened in his chair to peer at it) … jumping tea.
Malkolm straightened his cuffs again and leaned back in his chair. He brought
the letter out of his pocket; it was crushed and twisted in the strangest
manner, and it took all of Malkolm’s self-control not to cast a smoothing-out
spell on it. It was impossible to charm an object with two spells at once, and
if Malkolm took the guarding spell off of it, Kelm would magic it back at once
and the deal, Malkolm knew, would be null.
Although Kelm hadn’t really agreed to the deal anyway.
‘So we are in agreement, then?’ he said, finally, watching Kelm whirl a
tea-cloud around his finger.
‘We shall see,’ Kelm said, still concentrating on making shapes with tea. ‘But
first, it is your duty as … Ixister of the Meare’—Kelm looked pained at putting
the words ‘Ixister’ and ‘Meare’ together—‘to help your Meka during times of—well
times like this, anyway.’ The tea-clouds fell into the bowl with a splash and Malkolm
winced as droplets of sticky tea fell on his hands. Kelm leaned over the table
and spoke to the bowl, loudly: ‘Show me Arlene Randerfort.’
The tea rose into the air as like a square of glass, gleaming red-brown and
shimmering distinctly. Malkolm watched, knowing that Kelm was attempting to Pry
Arlene’s location. Prying was first of the many arts he had learnt as a Sreya
and one that Malkolm considered himself to excel in, particularly, although he
was good at everything else, too.
Kelm’s method was immaculate, Malkolm observed, slightly put-off because even
he hadn’t acquired that fluidity or neatness with which the tea-screen threw
light—at every forty-five degree—and darkened to a rich mahogany. Any time now,
he knew, an image would form on the tea-screen, an image of the present as
opposed to the past. When an Ixister searched for a moment from the past and
projected it onto the screen, it was called Scrying. But this—the graceful
twisting of fingers in an effort to create a map in thin air, the delicate
prodding at a medium suspended in thin air—this was what made Prying an art:
difficult, and dangerous.
Kelm leaned down, his eyebrows flaring, his eyes dark and penetrating. The
lighting in the room seemed to have dimmed suddenly, even with the sunlight
streaming in through the open window. By the large sun-shaped clock that was
painted on the ceiling, Malkolm could tell that it was only 8’o’clock, but it
felt like noon. He leaned forward in his chair, too, subconsciously calculating
the moment when the image would appear on the tea-screen. His hands crunched
into fists; his eyes narrowed. It was always intense, waiting for an image to
appear. The fine point of an Ixister—a showcase of their power.
Prying was not a joke.
Kelm blew hard on the tea-screen. His beard parted and fluttered in a
nonexistent breeze. Malkolm could feel his ears turning red, his hair turning
pink….
The glass bowl blew up.
Quickly, Malkolm raised his hands in front of his face, a shield springing up
from his palms. Shards of glass landed in his hair and tea seeped into the
front of his cloak. The wall in front of him had a large hole in it. White dust
floated in the air and settled onto his hands, his face, his feet and his hair.
He coughed and blinked flecks of it off of his eyelashes. His shield flickered
and disappeared.
‘Kelm?’ Malkolm walked around the desk—it
hadn’t suffered any damage—and towards the hole in the wall. The energy
that the tea-screen threw back at Kelm had thrust him back into the wall, and
him alone because he had been the one it had come from in the first place. It
was one of the mechanics of Prying, and Malkolm was torn between wanting to
laugh at Kelm and feeling sorry for him. A sliver of concern sneaked its way
into his heart, however, and he bent down to help the older man up from where
he lay, his head brushing the banister of the
staircase-that-went-on-for-forever.
Kelm got to his feet shakily. His beard was grey, not just because of the vast
amounts of dust that had settled onto his shoulders, but an actual, dull, iron
grey. His eyebrows were thin and wispy on his forehead and he looked quite …
resigned.
Other than that, Kelm appeared unhurt. The reason for this was obvious; his
back was covered in a softly shimmering blue material—a shield.
‘You have fast reflexes,’ Malkolm said.
Kelm coughed. ‘Unfortunately, however, I cannot Pry across the Meare anymore.’
It looked like he was having to spit the words out, as if admitting them would
fire up some strange universal mechanism and cause him to actually give up his
role over the Meare. Malkolm didn’t hesitate to point out that this was true
anyway. He said,
‘Look—I can help you. But you must
allow me to go to court. It’s what I said before: I have something you don’t
have, and despite your obligations … well, you don’t really want to leave your
Meka in a fix like this, do you?’
Kelm’s arm hung around his tall frame loosely, his broad soldiers heaving, his
brow furrowed. His mouth twisted into a frown. Then, he sighed.
‘Do it. I accept your … offer.’
Malkolm threw Kelm a satisfied smile. ‘Very well,’ he said smugly. He turned
around with a flourish and walked back into the Writing Room. With a flick of
his wrist, the window was fixed. Malkolm grimaced at his reflection in the
mirror, at his wild pink hair and tea-stained clothes—but only for a second.
The window glimmered with an unidentifiable sheen. The room darkened.
‘Show me,’ he said, ‘Arlene Randerfort!’
End of chapter
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I am so far behind on these reviews... but this one gets me a star and stars are shiny!
Specifics
1. I don't understand why Kelm is prying... I thought he was going to get Malkolm to do that? I also don't understand why Malkolm thinks the whole deal is off as soon as Kelm gets the letter. Isn't the deal him finding Arlene and not who has the ownership of the letter? That part's a little confusing!
2. I forget how they ended up in mid-air? I thought Malkolm was just kind of hovering outside the window or something at the end of the last part? Or did he shoot off somewhere else? Is this really a sensible use of their magic? It sounds pretty and stuff but I feel like the magic becomes belittled when it's used for grand gestures rather than grand events.
Overall
Mostly I like this chapter but I think the emotions feel a little off. There's a lot of anger and frustration zipping around at the beginning but within minutes (and some not very convincing negotiating) they're drinking tea and feeling sympathetic toward one another.
I don't like the pink hair thing or the reasoning behind it - that feels a bit too gimmicky for me.
The only other thing is that I feel like the reader needs to know what Kelm feels about Malkolm going to the king in his place. Does he feel like he's backing off from an important duty? I want to hear him voice concerns about this with Malkolm before he agrees - I want him to fight to get reassurances on Malkolm being up to this. It feels like it's something too important for Kelm to agree so easily over one lost girl.
Other than that, I'm liking these two characters - they're probably my favourite two so far - and I think you've got a nice smooth way of describing the magic in your world.
See you around!
~Heather
Hello Pomp, steampowered here with a review! Er, I did promise I’d read your other chapters (let’s remove the “soon” from that) so here I am, admittedly a few months late, trying to catch up with this novel. So let’s get started:
You might want to use some contractions in this; without them, the sentence reads a bit stilted.
This needs a space.
Aww, poor Malkolm! Am I really mean for sniggering every time he hurts himself (or more accurately, the house hurts him?)
How big was this shield? It can’t have been very big if he got glass in his hair… until I read on and saw there was magic involved, I actually thought he was just using his hands to shield himself. Maybe rephrase this?
Unlike Noelle, I personally rather like the “meanwhile” thing, but then again a lot of things seem to go with your unique writing style. Generally I don’t have any major criticisms, as everything I was going to say appears to have been said already.
One small point – you use an awful lot of hyphens and they stand out to me, which I find kind of annoying. I’d consider not having quite so many fractured sentences and loose clauses and find some other way to convey the information instead. Even if it means having a lot more simple sentences, which will be easier to read.
I think that’s everything, and I’ll try and get through the rest of these chapters as I said I would!
-steampowered-
Hi there!
I'm not all too fond of the whole "meanwhile this was happening" thing. My 11th grade English teacher always told us always to make sure we give our readers no reason to remember they're reading something. In other words, keep them so immersed in the characters' narration that they forget someone is telling them a story. With "meanwhile" in there, it reminds me that there's a narrator telling me this story. I'm not following these characters through their lives anymore, I'm just listening to someone tell me about their lives. It's the small things like this that can make or break the story.
There are a lot of directions your novel is going in at this point. There's nothing wrong with that of course, but you have to be careful. Of course you'll want to switch from one character to another without breaking the flow, which is why I understand the "meanwhile" part. However, the way it's written it's easy for the reader to follow. I've read plenty of novels like this one where the author jumps from one character to another. The trick is, as I've come to understand from reading such, to make sure the part with each character has a strong ending scene. A cliffhanger also works. Then you can go on to the next character leaving the readers content(ish if you have the cliffhanger :3) There hasn't really been a place where I've seen you break that except for this chapter. I don't know why I'm so hung up on the beginning of this, I'm sorry ><
In the opening paragraph here it sounds like Kelm knows Malkolm read the letter. However, in the following conversation Malkolm mentions that he read it in which Kelm replies he's not surprised. The continuity isn't quite there. Again, it's something small, but it'll help in the big picture of the novel.
Why have that first sentence separate from the dialogue? It goes along with what he says, correct? There's nothing quite powerful enough about it to make it stand on it's own either. Remember, it's fine to start dialogue somewhere other than the beginning of the paragraph. Just as long as it's apparent who's speaking.
I feel this is more for our sake rather than the novel's. Of course Malkolm would think it was strange, but would he really be thinking of that rather than of someway to stop Kelm from plummeting them back to the ground? Besides, Malkolm has already noticed that they are high above the ground. It's not likely something he would revisit just because of confusion.
The magic you've created is so much fun. I like how the house itself treats Kelm so well and causes Malkolm so much trouble. I'm wondering if it's that way with everyone with magic, where it's protective of its "master". That's not really a question that needs answering, I'm just thinking out loud here. Anyway, magic is always interesting to write well. I haven't read the previous chapters in a while (shame on me for waiting so long to review) so I don't remember if the magic has been explored yet. By that I mean how exactly does it work? It's always nice to expand upon things, like where the magic comes and if certain spells require more energy to cast. Things like that. Something like that can be put in at any point, really. It's nice for us readers when we can feel like we understand exactly how the magic works. Just something to consider.
There's something about the parentheses here that doesn't flow well. I think it's the injection of knowing that Malkolm had to straighten to look at it. It's not really important to the scene. The point is he saw it and it was described.
Just another quick nitpick here. The 'he' should be replaced with 'Malkolm'. Kelm was actually the last name mentioned so my mind immediately labeled the dialogue as his. This is one of the struggles of writing dialogue for two characters of the same gender.
I find Malkolm very interesting. He's definitely a dynamic character. When we first met him I hated him because of his constant smugness and dismissive nature. Now, however, it's obvious that he's not as conceded as he first seemed to be. Seeing things from his perspective shows us so much more about his character. I'm impressed that this is only chapter 7 and we've already seen this different side of him. Not very many characters show their different sides so quickly.
So I can see now that the separate storylines are starting to come together. It'll be nice to see everyone come together. What's going to happen when that happens though I have not the first clue. Which is awesome. I like not knowing what's going to happen. (duh xD) Some novels I've read though are so obvious in giving away what's going to happen next. Not yours though.
Hopefully I'll get to the next chapter soon.
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
;-; Maybe it's the reviewing taking a toll on me but I really don't have many things to say about this chapter at all. All your chapters have been shaping up nicely, if anything they are a bit unstable sometimes but everything is going quite well.
And since I need to knock this out of GRI think I'll spend some time telling you what you're doing well.A lot of your characterization is good, at least with recent chapters. It's unstable in some but on the overall you have a good balance between dialogue, description and telling us what the characters think about each other. I think somewhere down the line someone mentioned that Luin, Malkolm, Kelm and Elborn are all alike in some ways? They have a point, it sort of doesn't help that they're all male, age-wise I think they're alike as well. They're all sort of grumpy, so I guess you need to show us what makes them them. Needless to say that so far I like Evian, Arlene and Prince the best. I feel that they're more unique than the others, and I suppose it also helps that the readers knows a bit more about Evian. Arlene and Prince are closer to the age of your readers and they're also on an adventure, Malkolm's story sort of pales in comparison. I feel sorry for poor old Kelm, it must be hard on him.
Ok, I lied. I do have something to say, because I've been so much of TC. The timeline in my head may have gotten mixed up but I don't recall Malkolm and Kelm talking about the King in any of the previous chapters. So when you mentioned that all of a sudden, I had a mental jolt. Why does Malkolm want to go to the King?
Well, this has been a rather unhelpful review. You're free to throw tomatoes at my doorstep.
I mentioned it in chapter five: Malkolm feels used because Smeth (the dude who sent Kelm the letter) stated that Malkolm's position as Ixister is temporary while Kelm takes up a position at court. Malkolm wants to secure a place at court instead of Kelm, so. XD
<333 All your reviews are helpful! If anything, they make me think, and I can't thank you enough for reading this mess anyway, haha.
Hi! Here to review your story
I haven't read anything in the story before, so I'm sorry if I say things wrong or what I say doesn't make sense.

Okay, the things I liked first.
I loved your detail. It was like I was really IN the story. And I'm sure you have a lot of character details in the chapters before, but you even added more all the way in chapter seven, which I liked (such as Kelm's knotted beard).
Ugh I love your word choice. "Indistinguishable," "intimidation," "piercing," "evident." These might seem like simple words, but they really add a lot to the story and bring it to the next level.
I like your characters. The reader cannot always say this. I usually find the main protagonist annoying or overdone, but I like both of your characters in this chapter. They are very different, yet they work well together. They're easy to understand.
I'm going to restate the description point I made early. It really is very well done. My favorite thing about this chapter was the vivid depiction of things - especially the tea.
And I like the way it ends. It definitely leaves the reader wanting more. If I could compare your writing style to anything, I'd say it's a lot like reading Harry Potter (although this doesn't mean I think the story is copying harry potter, because I don't). I just mean you have the kind of writing skill that the writer of Harry Potter has.
Now onto the not so good things.
This is just a personal preference but when you do dialogue you use ' instead of ". It's a lot more noticeable to actually do a quotation mark, because then no matter what, you know the characters are talking. Your way can look like a thought bubble (some people do that with ' ) and just gets a little confusing.
I would have liked to know a little more about where they were in the story. Adding some setting description would really help the reader visualize the surroundings better.
At one point in the middle you put something in parenthesis. "(Malkom straightened in his chair to peer at it)" I don't really understand why. It would have been just as effective as another sentence or separated by commas along with adjusting the sentence structure.
But other than those nitpicks, it was a really good chapter, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I may have to go back and read some of the previous chapters