Who would fight? he thought, as they ran past the town hall. The street was busy, vampires and Ixisters trickling out of the building and heading into the opposite direction—toward the main gates. They seemed so few in number outside, in the vacancy of the wide streets, when the sky was their only umbrella against the world. He caught sight of Pedra on the front steps of the town hall, her hair wild and tangled as she argued with two vampires.
Aidan yelled at her as they passed by, but his words seemed to blur into the sounds of their surroundings—the wind that rushed past Evian's ears, the clinking of the Ixisters' magically-constructed armour, and the hissing flares of magic that erupted from their palms. 'All right!' he thought he heard Pedra shout back, her voice thin and ringing in his ears. His senses were overwhelmed—sparks and sounds surrounded them. He wanted to curl up within himself, to turn to dust. But what would that help? he thought savagely, and he sped on.
The wind whipped into his face; his solace lay in knowing that Edith was beside him, that every step that hit the ground would propel him further. Away, he thought. From the chaos? Or into it?
As Evian stepped into pace with Aidan, he swore he saw a dark shape circling overhead. Even while squinting into the sky, it was hard for him to separate the mass of slate-grey from the clouds, but as the creature's spiked tail swung through the layer of cirrus, he gasped.
'Dragon!' he breathed. His insides churned. Lira huffed and puffed behind him, so he reached back and took her by the arm. 'C'mon,' he grunted. 'Just a bit further.'
They turned into Cobblers' Street, then barrelled down along the straight, narrow road that led to the town's back exit. The walls were like huge granite teeth without gaps; they were set together with beams of steel. Evian did not doubt that the steel would hold, but it was the iron gates he was worried about. For as long as Evian had seen them, they had been covered in a thick layer of rust, and swung with difficulty on their hinges. Even now, as they grew nearer, they looked battered and flimsy, like a single breath could knock them down.
'There's nobody stationed here?' he yelled to Aidan. The vampire shook his head.
'No!' he shouted back. 'But I expect Pedra's going to send someone.'
'Yeah—how large are Blacksmiths?'
'What?'
'I said,' Evian raised his voice, 'how large are Blacksmiths?'
'Quite—quite large,' Aidan said, sounding bemused and uncertain at the same time. 'I've never seen one.'
Evian thought he heard Edith snort from somewhere behind him, but he ignored her and simply ploughed on. Evian saw that a cart and a couple of horses stood in the shadow of the gates, the horses having been tied to the post of a lyte-fixture. Their small group hurried toward them. Edith untied the horses deftly, while Lira sat down on the floor with a sigh.
‘I’ve never run so much before,’ she gasped, in-between breaths.
‘I used to run,’ Evian said, gently pulling her to her feet. He helped her climb onto one of the two horses, a steady bay mare which had—to his relief—already been saddled. Lira sat awkwardly, gripping the pommel between her fists. ‘Relax,’ Evian told her. ‘Straighten your back. You’ve never ridden before?’
‘Never,’ Lira said, shaking her head.
‘Edith’d best go with you, then,’ said Evian. ‘She’s the better rider.’ He walked the horse over to the gates, where Edith took the reins from him and climbed on herself.
‘Everyone’s a better rider than you, Evian,’ she breathed, her eyes laughing as she adjusted herself on the horse’s back. ‘You’ve got my bag?’
‘Yeah.’ Evian handed it over. ‘You’re going to hurt like hell once this is over,’ he told Lira.
She shrugged. ‘It’s pretty bad already.’
Evian took the other horse, a docile-looking chestnut that reared its head at him as if wanting to be petted. Aidan asserted that he would be fine with flying. He pushed the doors open, just as a crowd of people appeared at the end of the street—Pedra headed them, the Ixisters in all their finery, the vampires unarmed but deadly-looking, their faces paler than the moon. ‘Go!’ she roared, waving a hand at them in farewell. They trotted the horses out into the countryside, slowly entering a gallop as they rode past the trees and into the wider plains. Pedra’s voice boomed after them:
‘To you all, know that we are few, but we shall stand by this town and its people tonight, even after our friends have left. For we have attested our loyalty herein, and we will fight to preserve what is ours—truth, goodness, and a kingdom that once bested all others in its stride. To arms!’ She continued speaking, but Evian tuned her out, turning his focus instead on riding. The cries of the council echoed well past the borders of the city and an unwanted thrill raced through his veins. The uncertainty was reminiscent of his days on sea, but rather than being a break in a monotonous life, here it simply frightened him.
Aidan flew ahead of them, his arms outstretched, his black cape wrapped around his legs like a shroud. Goosebumps erupted on Evian’s arms; he spurred his horse onwards, down the hill, slowing down as he reached a steep incline. Edith was the less hesitant rider—she was already at the bottom when Evian had scarcely arrived at the top. A series of hills stretched before him, like warts on the surface of the earth. In summer, they were an unending sea of green, but now, as winter neared, they bore bruises of brown and yellow instead. The moon looked like a hook tearing into the papery, star-speckled surface of the night sky. Was it only night, yet? Evian felt as if centuries could have been fitted into these few hours, yet nobody would know, or hear, or feel the same trepidation he had.
But as he stumbled his way down the hill, he changed his mind. He felt certain people would remember this night, if only as a passing mention in history.
The Blacksmith army was heading toward them, their spears raised, their flags licking the cool air as they marched over the top of the nearest hill. Aidan swerved sharply in the air, turning back toward Arrowroad. He called to Edith, who was a bit slow to respond, but turned back and raced her horse toward the town. Evian tugged on the reins of his chestnut, yelling, ‘Go! Go, you stupid horse!’, and retreated up the hill again.
He looked over his shoulder as he went. The Blacksmith army moved like an ocean of black, their large, hulking figures reminding Evian of giants. However, it was not the Blacksmiths themselves that inspired the same fear inside him, but the boy. He stood, a small figure perched on the shoulders of a soldier from the advancing line. His face was a picture of cultivated misery.
And he was on fire.
Evian swore.
End of chapter
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I'm waiting for food to cook so you get (most of) my attention :p
Specifics
1.
2. I'm curious - is Aidan slowing his pace so the humans can keep up? Do vampires move unnaturally fast in your novel? I think that would be a nice detail to share. Also, Evian notes where Aidan and Lira are before describing where Edith is? That seems a little out of order on priorities. I'd always check on my sister first when in any kind of situation and then take note of the others around me. Surely Evian's most meaningful companion is his wife?
3. Love this line xD
4. I'm not sure there's anything simple about this scene so I'd suggest cutting 'simply' from this sentence!
5. Wait, I thought Aidan insisted they weren't taking a cart? It feels like that's an argument which needs to be rounded off at least a little and if this is their cart, why did they have to run so far to reach it? Ah, they're uncoupling the horses but again, why is the cart so far away?
6.
Overall
So they're retreating back to the town now? I'm not sure how I feel about that - maybe a little vexed? Why wasn't Aidan scouting ahead sooner and finding them a path to slip away and hide while the army reached the gates and why aren't they sneaking out the back gates? Surely they have some idea of which direction the Blacksmiths are coming from?
I'd also like more descriptions of people in the town running around or boarding up houses. At the moment there's your group of people and the vampires and then some Ixisters but we don't hear about what the other ordinary folk are up to and that would help to build some of the atmosphere. This chapter feels tense but not as tense as it should when there's an army and a dragon bearing down on the heroes!
Other than that I think the chapter flows well and there's a good sense of action without losing where the characters are and what they're doing.
See you at the next chapter!
~Heather
Hi Pompadour,

I'd like like to say that I haven't read any of the previous chapters and I'm entering in blind. This is somewhat desirable, actually, as many people will turn to a random chapter in a story in a bookstore to see if the book is to their liking. Assume I've done that.
That said, critique sandwich time.
1. What did I like about this piece?
> You're a talented writer and your story moves along without snags. Your descriptions are spicy with figurative language, leading to gorgeous imagery. There were one or two cliches that felt a little jarring in comparison (like how a breath could knock the gate over), but otherwise a really nicely descriptive chapter.
2. What specific points need improvement?
> I didn't get a sense of the panic that the peoples of the street must be feeling at the knowledge of this advancing army. It sort of felt as if all this stuff was happening around your main characters, but it wasn't important.
> I'm not certain why the Ixisters are capitalised. If they're another type of peoples, like vampires, why aren't vampires capitalised?
> The barest mention of a dragon was so odd. Either dragons are so well established already that the reader doesn't need to know more, or you deliberately left that silenced.
> Evian and Aidan are very similar names.
> It was tough for me to figure out how many were in the party. There didn't seem to be much distinction at all between the characters besides the vampire who can fly and the girl who was weak.
> Curious to know why you use single speech marks?
> Blacksmith seems to be a weird naming convention for an army? Thought you've probably explained this somewhere else?
> I loved the cliff hanger at the end.
3. What are my concluding thoughts?
> You seem to know exactly what you want to write about in each chapter, which I'd normally deem as an amazingly good thing. But there are so many bits and pieces that I thought needed some more explanation. I felt that the space they traveled in this chapter was very vague - I couldn't tell if they went a far way or a short way. The interactions between the characters were very minimal and I couldn't really read any feelings about what was going on. But I actually really enjoyed reading this chapter and will most likely go back and read the others
I hope this review helped in some way!
All the best,
Jai
The single quotation marks are a British formatting style.
Thank you for the review!