Time is such a tricky thing
my day begins and yours comes to an end.
The seconds fly by, vanishing into eternity.
Alone, seeking, longing,
it's what I am.
Every now and again
I gaze at the stars and think of you
looking up at them too.
But your sun starts to rise
and we are worlds apart.
I wonder if you think of time
and how it steals our lives away
with every ticking of the clock.
But you where never one to stop,
you make your own time.
I sit and wait and wait and wait
and think about the time I'm losing.
Then I think about you and realize
that life is ticking away and joy will never come find me.
I must seek it out myself, before time runs out.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
I'm a little surprised at your choice of spacing throughout the poem. It isn't technically a nitpick, I was just curious as to why you chose it. The poem in itself was good although you need to look over your spelling in certain instances - just simple mistakes or typos, those things we love to hate.
I liked the message this poem gives out and it's clear you've thought about it a lot.
Good job!
I love the symbolism of this poem and the personal depth you put into it. But I think you need to clarify this line: "The seconds fly by gone into eternity." I can't tell whether it's grammatical error or on purpose. Also, captitalize the beginning word of a new stanza, otherwise it confuses the reader and looks sloppy. The flow was nice and it was a balanced, solid poem. The metaphors were original and impressive. Keep it up!
Sincerely,
Klotrox
I like this. There are some tiny nitpicky things, like in one instance where you substituded the word "were" with "where" and another where you had a run-on, although run-ons are sometimes okay in poetry. But I like how you pondered time and talked about the difference of time zones and everything. I liked the line about how you look at the stars while the sun came up for what I'm guessing is your love interest. I also liked the rhythm of it. The syllabic content of each line was pretty balanced. Overall, nice poem. Keep it up, and I hope my review helps.