I struck the match.
I struck out.
But your flame so bright,
compeled me to strike again.
And for a moment, it lit.
In that moment my life was full.
Your love warmed the cold parts in me.
For once I was blisssfully happy.
I was complete.
Though I soon realized that your flame,
it belonged to no one, and everyone.
I tried to save my own.
To put it out with my tears,
But it was gone.
Forever cursed to be my dark flame.
The fire that never burns out.
My only one, and the one that lies with you.
can anyone figure out what the flame is? I believe it quite obvious.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
I love the fact that you used so much description and figurative language. This poem is something that I can relate to and I enjoyed it.
I think you could easily catch on what I'm doing here.
Okay, now for the review part of my review. This poem is okay. Not the best, but DEFINITELY not the worst. Keep writing; your style will improve the more you do.
Hope I helped!
~Annie
Hello I'm LastPaladin and I shall be your reviewer, what we have here is a great metaphor used to it's absolute limit and often at times just comes across as cliché, which it's not, so it's sad it must. You have the poetic elements here but none of the actual structure or substance it's a single metaphor literally burnt to the wick (no pun intended) leaving the already dwindling use of it much to be desired.
I shall explain a bit more, essentially you start good like a mighty candle but then you just sorta falter, splutter and then just burn out even before the end and it comes across turgid, generic love story which 'has never been told' oh wait it has, and much better done than this. That isn't to say this is all bad, it's just to say you start good and then murder the metaphor in favour of being some sappy break up poem.
Overall: This isn't great, the metaphor while good to start with, ends up falling apart by it's own bloat and the candle by this point has turned into wax and the mighty pillar that once stood there, is now a pile of waterfalling wax.
Hope this helps.
Hey Writer97!
. Other than that, i love it. By the way, what was does the dark flame stand for? Is it love? It's probably obvious but I'm just not getting it...Anyway, just to let you know, I'm trying to get enough points to post my poem Cruel Irony, and like i promised, I'll be working on Dreamers this week. Hopefully I'll get some of it on here soon, or at least the prologue for now. So...keep up the good work! I hope you're enjoying your Thanksgiving break!
To start off, I love your work!( & i'm not just saying that because you're my best friend lol) Also, I like this poem very much. I know how you're good at this dramatic, melancholy stuff; I should know, of course. I only have to critique you on your infamous spelling.... but I know it's not your strong point
~Morgan3509
Dark Flame makes me think of Dark Knight. In more serious tone though, I liked how you used flame to mean something else. It's not hard to figure out what you meant by it, and the emotion contained in the poem is pretty straightforward. Good Job.
Hey! I really like that poem and all of your descriptive language/metaphors. It was very dramatic and well-written. Well done!
Im guessing some kind of love?
I like this, could do with some improving but it is well writen
Keep writing
xo