His black hair falls
over black eyes.
A glance his way I dare
fills my stomach with butterflys.
I watch him from afar
I keep my feelings at bay.
On my heart he left a scar,
that throbs at his sight everyday.
We once held each other under the moonlight,
but he strays farther day by day.
My love for him still shines bright,
but I've watched all of his fade away.
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139,350 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This is an emotional poem that has feeling. Your rhyme scheme is good and you do an incredible job with it. Well done.
Very good poem. The third line confused me a bit, but the fourth line helped. The rhyme scheme is okay. I really like your use of visceral details, and look forward to reading other works by you. Keep it up!
Good lines. The ending is very tragic however. Quick correction:
the "r" should be a "t" to complete sight. Mistakes like this are fairly common although they can be minimized by re-reading your poem several times. Remember, the more times you read it over the more likely it is, that you will find corrections before your readers do.Back to the content, I liked the rhyming structure very much. Ultimately "The Scar" was interesting although it left me wondering what's next. The ending seems more like a cliffhanger for a future poem, based on the romantic nature, and I urge you to keep on writing. Overall a good effort only minimized by the spelling error above.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky