I thought of 'Love, in the norms' for the title but I don't know. I need help! *Screams for help*
Is it alright to say
That my worst nightmare,
My biggest fear
Is losing you?
I mean,
Is it considered customary
To have that feeling irk,
Terrorize you?
Is it healthy
To miss you
Even when you’re here,
Right beside me?
Tell me why,
Why do I hold on so tight
And rebuff, refuse
To let you go?
Is it a sin
To love you so much
That even the ‘taboo topic’
Would not suffice for expression?
Do you also fear
That empty void,
Everyday, approaching
And pulling us apart?
Is it alright to accept
That you were once
Mine and no one else’s
But that now it’s all ended?
Is it expected
That I cry and reminisce
About all our moments?
Because I won’t.
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137,663 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
Great poem! Beautiful flow and you really emote feeling into your words! It is easy to read and easy to feel to! It reminds me of a relationship between someone who is insecure. Someone who looks for too much in the relationship because they do not love themselves. Then at the end, they finally grew up and love who they are!
Fill me no more
Love me
Needless
These are my title suggestions
This is the second thing of your's that I've read and I seem to the get the feeling that you really can write sad and touching thing with a great understanding of how to truly reach out and connect with the reader. The poem gives the impression that the narrator is deperatly afraid of losing the one they love, but at the same time give an aire(?) of them already having lost them. An idea for a title could be: 'Have I Lost You?'
I really have to say I was a bit shocked at the end, but when all was read and done(;)), I was still unimpressed. The poem has the same thing as everyone feels, and its a bit old now. When you love somebody no words can express it in my opinion. Only actions. It's a matter of trust and consistency. So the subject is over done and tedious now. Sorry, but I can't help myself from being harsh. The twist was fine and dandy, but still. Breakup always is gonna hurt. And if you broke up with someone, in my opinion neither of you truly loved each other. It's over and you need to move on. The holding on part is only hard because it's a viscous cycle.
Oh, and a nitpick:
The last line there needs some reworking(okay just two words :3). I believe you mean "now that."
And admittedly, I kinda LOLed here:
So I think this is all I really have to say. Now the flow and structure was great, I do have to compliment that. This poem wasn't a waste of time. It's practice. And if you did go through a breakup: Again I'm sorry about being harsh. But listen to what I said. It's a harsh cycle, but let go. Confide in a friend. Or a stuffed animal if that's easier.
--Skis
What I love most about this is that you explain a lot while saying nothing. I like that you never say a specific word for anything, but you hint at it so well that we know instantly what you're talking about, "taboo topic" I mean come on, how awesome is that.
I try reading it without the "considered" and it flows better, but then loses meaning. I dunno, you'll have to figure this one out.Though I must admit, some of the lines felt... longer compared to the others. Maybe it has something to do with the syllabels and rhythm.
Edit: As for a title... it should be something along the lines of Being Unable to Let Go
How can I resist reviewing a piece with a title that overpowering ^^
Well, well, here I go. Baah, I don't know where to begin. I like the emotion and desperation in the narrators voice... he/she seems so in love with this significant other but his fear of loosing him/her is so overpowering that he seems to forget living and experiencing the presence. I like that add, it's... nice. When it comes to structure, I like the four line stanzas, but feel like some line's are a bit too long. The flow went on well for the better part but sometimes when the lines differ too much it got a bit thrown off
I give you 4/5 icky spiders for this.
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness