fooled

Hello Mikko! Dogs here with your review today. Okey dokey, I love the idea of this piece. It reminds me of The Road, a book I've been reading recently. I do suggest it, it's by McCarthy. Anywho, on to ze review!

You have great imagery in your writing and good flow, so really nothing to complain about there. Although, I would suggest that you do what you can to bring your writing to the next level. A simple and short way to really make your writing pop out at the reader is replace some of your adjectives and other vocab words with more exciting vocabulary and words that we don't read every day. The best way to accomplish this is to look up some of your adjectives and what not in a thesaurus, I use it every time I write any sort of literature. It woks incredibly well.

Also, I'm a fan of not capitalizing every single line and what not, but I think you do it a tad to well. I think "I" and "I'm" should be capitalized regardless. Of course grammar is entirely up to the writer, but it looks sloppy in my opinion when they're not capitalized.

My only underlining criticism of this piece is that you start every single line with "i'm already dead," I'm all for repetition, however, as a writer if you use it so much so to a point that your writing becomes predictable. That should be a major red flag to you. I know that I'm going to see "i'm already dead" at the beginning of every single stanza, and I don't want to know that, because I want to be hooked on your writing and not know where you're going to take me next.

All and all this is a great piece of writing, Looovveeedddddd the imagery and your writing style is excellent. My favorite line is: "Nor my purpose amongst the seven billion around me." great line, well put. Certainly well written. Add in those minor corrections and you'll be rearing to go. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I really liked this piece. It's filled with a lot of emotion. From this i got the feeling of complete defeat. Like a loss of wanting to strive and stay alive. Like a loss of wanting to connecting with things and people around you.
I think what i like most about this is that it really sinks in and gets you thinking. That and it's quite relatable. To feel like you have nothing nor do you even amount to anything. I'm sure there's at least once in a person's lifetime that they hit rock bottom and feel that way.
Anyhow, great write and well done.

I like this one, it might be because I know what person feels like, not to be dead but to feel like the entire world is against you. Or it might be because it's short and full of emotion.
The only thing that I see that could be changed is to uppercase the letter I in the word I'm, and at the beginning of the story and paragraphs. But I'm sure you already know that.
Good writing!