Uncertainty

Thanks guys!

I really liked this poem, you had excellent imagery, i could smell the new shoes!

"And stepping on that silver squeaking snail
That breaks the once unimaginable silence
With the wails of the baby;
Stillness seems miles away again." - this was my favorite part! again it was really good imagery!

We were reading "Nothing Gold Can Stay" by Robert Frost, and it kinda reminded me of this poem in a good way. Just thought I'd tell you!

just like standing at the very frame
Of a newly frozen lake
Pondering upon the fence
If a step would cause a crack,
A beak, a split and a fall;
Drowning into the cold, cold water.

Just as I look deeply into you,
And as I feel your gaze in my cardiac muscle,
I search for a way to release the locked words
I breathe in to find the key
And I hesitate to exhale,
Afraid to ruin it all, waste it.

I like it, it has a very real feeling that you don't find in many poems. I can really see your personality in your writing, which is a good thing. The only thing is, when you say "cardiac muscle" I think that's cute, but, I don't know, I think it messes with the flow, or something, I can't pin point it, because it fits with your word choices, but it just feels a little off for a second there. I don't know, it might just be me. Other than that, it's a really good poem, very personal. I like how the last line echoes the first stanza. It kinda ties the story together in a nice neat way, I like that a lot. Great poem. Good job. Hope this helps!
-tgirly
Go Ravenclaw!